Ask A Woman: It’s a nice thought…but think again.
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
I get lots of questions from readers about giving gifts to their sweethearts, so I know Dappered folk to be generous and thoughtful. I and the rest of the gals on Team Dappered have made many gift suggestions over the years–jewelry, handbags, coats, and so on. But perhaps it would be just as useful to know what items you should not buy for your gal. Unless you have specific instructions to buy x item in x size from x store, I’d recommend not purchasing any of the tokens below. Sure, you might get lucky and do well with one of these, but the odds are much greater that your other half will smile dutifully and march that gift back to the store (or stuff it in the back of the closet). Take note.
#1. Jeans
How hard can it be to buy jeans for a woman? Oh, real hard. (That’s what she said.)
I have to imagine there aren’t many men who would venture to buy their gal jeans. If you’ve ever half-listened to any woman, anywhere, you know that finding the perfect jeans is a near impossible feat for us. If it fits in the waist, it’s baggy in the butt; if it hugs the thigh, it pinches the hip. These are our struggles even when we’re the ones shopping and trying on these beasts of the style world. Thus, there are no circumstances under which I recommend that you buy jeans for a woman. Pretty much a zero return guarantee on that investment.
#2. Standard underwear
What kind of underwear does your wife want? Vicky’s keeping that secret.
I’m not talking teddies, crotchless panties, or bustiers. I’m not talking Valentine’s Day, your anniversary, or your honeymoon. I’m talking basic wear-to-work underwear and functional bra. You really don’t need to gift those. First off, unless you know our exact size for the exact store you’re shopping at, you’re likely to get it wrong. Second, there are so many different cuts for panties (brief, thong, boy short) and bras (demi cup, full coverage, strapless), you risk getting a fit we hate. Save your lingerie buying for the frivolous occasions where we’ll probably only be wearing the item for ten minutes. Okay, maybe two minutes.
#3. Sunglasses
One wrong move and your girlfriend will be wearing frames that make her face look fat.
This one I went back and forth on, but as a general rule, I’m going to say skip sunglasses. Here’s why: you really have to try on sunnies to see if they flatter your face. Much of it is face shape, but also bone structure, hair line, eyebrow shape–they all contribute to how shades look on you, so you really have to try them on in person. Buying blind just isn’t a good idea.
#4. Swimwear
This is 3 out of the approximately 1.4 million options for women’s swimwear.
Buying a swimsuit is even more of a nightmare than buying jeans. Yes, it might seem like a good idea if you and your honey are jetting off somewhere tropical, to surprise her with a sexy little swim number. But think again. We have to consider cut of the leg, seat coverage, straps or strapless, one piece or two piece or tankini, panel in front to smoosh down the tummy or panel up top to push up the boobs, the possibilities are endless. And this is before we’ve even talked about color or pattern. Once we actually get up the nerve to try something on, we have to prance in front of the mirror for a few hours to examine all the angles and make sure we can live with the view. Okay, maybe I’m only speaking for myself, but there’s got to be someone besides me who’s lost an afternoon this way. Anyone?
-Beth
Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all: askawoman@dappered.com
Editor’s note: Before someone puts the “you should NEVER buy a woman clothes/anything she can wear” comment down below… hold off. Plenty of us have had success giving clothes (that we want to see her in/she likes to wear) in the past. Many thanks.
Surprised I didn’t see a vacuum on this list.
GOING TO BUY ALL THESE THINGS. Should make the gift of laundry detergent, wooden spoon, and toilet brush more palatable right? RIGHT!!?!?!
I think it depends on the vacuum now, buying a Dyson might get you lucky, or one of the other “high end” ones.
I know I’d love a dyson pet cordless as a guy 😐
Just get her a bowling ball. Worked for Homer Simpson!
My wife is a stay-at-home mom, and has made it clear than any and all household appliances, be they for cleaning or any other purpose, are 100% cleared for gifting, since they’ll save her time and effort. But if she weren’t happily and voluntarily in that role (or if she ends up going back to work)? Different story.
I agree with this post 99%. There is always the rare exception, such as when I got my lady sunglasses that she wanted. However, I bought them knowing the exact model, color, and size she wanted and had tried on, knowing they would look good. Without that though, I would have steered clear.
Beth, I think you saved plenty of articles down the road. Great advice and well written.
I got my wife some Carolina Panthers weather guard floor mats for her mini van and some craft beer. She was elated. I am the luckiest man alive
Don’t forget to engrave your name in it.
They have this new vacuum that doubles as a bread maker. This makes it twice as awesome of a gift.
Every time REI has a sale, I’m stocking up on Patagonia briefs for her… and I’ve sunk at least a car payment at Bare Necessities on bras (after checking what she currently owns to ensure it’s a perfect match).
I’m slowly but surely ensuring she never has to deal with substandard underwear. It’s totally worth it.
I have successfully done the jeans purchase by checking existing pairs that look good and going with something similar. But I kept the receipt and I think I got lucky.
And thanks for the underwear warning – I was considering that for the stocking.
What I need is advice for getting something for a woman who wears his dressing gown as an extra sweater and only chooses the warmest thing in her drawer to wear no matter how ratty it is.
I disagree with number 1. If I guy has been paying any attention at all to his girlfriend he should know what her favorite pair of pants are and which ones fit well. Same should go for #3 if she’s a sunglasses girl.
I can vouch for #3, bought the wife, fiance at the time, a pair from coach and she loves them. But as for #1 no way jose. Sorry, I like to think I pay attention to her, but knowing what brand/style/cut she wears, no can do.
Really? Interesting. It seems like every girl I know talks non-stop about their favorite jeans, which ones are great, which ones suck, how on August 3rd 2008 they changed they changed they way they are cut and now she perfers some other brand… etc etc
When you’re doing laundry, you can look just at the tags on her jeans. Not very hard, right?
It’s like my wife knows my shirt size because she looks at my shirt tags when we do laundry.
The way to cheat is just look at the tags when you do laundry.
And when the cut/sizing changes, just talk to a salesperson. “My wife used to wear the XXX jeans in the XXX cut, but I see things have changed. Can you give me some help?”
And get a gift receipt. In the end, it’s the thought that counts. And going for jeans = high risk but possibly high emotional rewards.
Gifting clothes to anyone, man or woman, is generally not a good idea. But for those who frequent Dappered, shopping together can be fun. Especially online. Have it sent to you or your friend’s/relative’s house/office and gift it at the appropriate time. Sure, she’ll know exactly what she’s getting and how much it was but it’s still exciting to receive a gift, especially one you definitely wanted.
My eighth grade social studies teacher bought his then-girlfriend an Ab Roller for Valentine’s Day. It concluded our Civil War unit.
I respectfully disagree with the underwear thing. Once upon a time, my wife (then girlfriend) would often stay over at my place and sometimes forget to bring a pair of new underwear. I took note of which pairs of underwear she wore most often, noticed they were all the same VS types, went to VS and bought 5 or 6 to leave at my place. I got the most generic colors and made sure they were the exact same as the ones she wore and she appreciated the gesture. To make it clear though, they were not a gift, or a present for a special occasion, just something nice to do.
On a slightly related note, guys, if you are dating, and may possibly have a woman sleeping over, have a new (in sealed package) tootbrush lying around the house, it’s usually appreciated. (just don’t have a box of them visible.)
I disagree. If you have the eye for it—you see something that just screams “her”, you buy it, and it fits/works—it’s huge bonus points. My girlfriend and I have gotten really into thrifting sweet vintage finds. I get more time to go than her, and when I find something that might fit her, I get it. Low risk if it doesn’t fit, since it’s thrift store prices, but high reward if it does.
I bought a GAP dress for my gf a while back (In May, from the Thursday Handful) as a gift to wear to an outdoor concert and she absolutely loved it. Thanks for offering articles like this.
I was going to make the same comment about the vacuum. Then I remembered that for Christmas last year, one of the gifts I gave my wife was a Neato robotic vacuum.
Took my fiancee to a boutique last fall that sold Raleigh jeans (among others). Told her that if she liked any of the pairs, they were hers. She found some and wears them at least four times a week. It can work, gentlemen. Just leave the actual selection up to the girl.