Ask A Woman: You grew a human. Here, have a diamond.
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: email@example.com .
Welcome back & big congrats! Glad to see that you are back writing for Dappered. You were spot on with the dos and don’ts of talking to a pregnant woman. My wife and I are expecting our baby girl to arrive in the next week or so, and I would like to buy her a “push present.” I was wondering if you have any advice? Some people say jewelry is the best way to go.
Thanks, congrats again!
Thanks, m’dear, glad to be back. Ah, the push present. For those not in the know, a push present is a gift that a husband (or partner) gives to their wife around the birth of their child, as a thank you for the long nine months of gestation, and then the ordeal of child birth, i.e., thanks for pushing that baby out! My understanding is that this used to be commonplace, it fell out of fashion, and has in recent years been making a comeback.
Some people think it’s a must. My husband was hounded by the women at his workplace about it–“What are you getting Beth as a push present?”; “You better get that girl something nice for all she’s been through.” Some people are totally creeped out by it, after all, isn’t the baby the reward for all that work? I myself fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t think a partner should feel they have to get their spouse a gift (and I don’t think the woman should expect it either). The baby is indeed the reward, and it’s a little weird to give incentives for procreation. On the other hand, if the husband feels real gratitude towards his wife for carrying their child, or wishes to simply commemorate the birth of his child, it’s a sweet gesture. I did get an extra-nice piece of jewelry for my birthday this year (which is very near to the day my son was born), and my husband said it was a joint birthday-push present. I really appreciated the gesture, plus, come on, I’m not going to say no to beautiful jewelry.
So, for those who wish to give a push present, super, for those who don’t, no big deal. But since Brent is asking for suggestions…yes, jewelry is the classic push present, often something with the birthstone of the child. This is a good gift idea if you can afford the stone in question (rubies, emeralds, and diamonds are so outrageously expensive, you may need to rethink that idea if you have a child born in July, May, or April) and if you know your wife likes that stone. For example, turquoise is December’s birthstone, which is a good gift for a gal with an earthy, natural style. But if your wife is super girly and loves sparkle, that stone is not going to suit her. Certainly, though, you don’t have to stick to the birthstone. Get something you know she’ll like.
Nothing says “Thank you for going through 30 hours of labor,” like a new piece of jewelry.
Or, skip the stone altogether. You can get her jewelry that symbolizes her becoming a mother. One of these “peas in a pod” bracelets from Etsy would be sweet. You could also get her a charm stamped with the new baby’s initials, which she could wear on a necklace. There are also many companies that make charms modeled from the baby’s actual finger, hand, or footprints. Again, tailor the jewelry to the woman–would your wife wear this type of jewelry? Or is it too cutesy for her? Look at what she frequently wears right now and let that guide you.
If your gal isn’t the type to revel in baubles, I suppose you could get her anything. Though I’d recommend sticking with timeless, lasting items (which is why jewelry is such a good fit). I mean, an iPad is great, but in 10 years she probably won’t still be using it. Since this is a major life event, you want something she can always hold on to that will remind her of this time in her life.
Guys, I’m turning this one over to you. Anyone given their sweetie a push present that wasn’t jewelry? And, generally speaking, your thoughts on the push present tradition? I suspect people have strong opinions for or against, so have at it.
Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all: firstname.lastname@example.org