Ask A Woman: Boo hoo, my girlfriend doesn’t cry.
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
Hey Beth,
I have a question. My girlfriend never cries and never gets angry. Granted, I have never done anything to make her cry (or want her to cry), but after four months I feel a little strange I have never seen that side of her. Like not even after seeing Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. I have never even seen her frown. Again, I never want to, but I feel like by now I should have.
We never fight and it worries me that maybe she feels she can’t open up to me or voice her opinions. I try to be a good boyfriend and we have a great sex life. I have never been crude to her or disrespected her. So I guess what I’m asking is… am I over thinking this? Should I just shut up and thank my lucky stars for having an amazing woman in my life, or do you think there’s really something wrong? And if so, what can I do? Thanks in advance.
– Matt
Hi Matt,
Interesting scenario. I know what you’re saying–lots of dudes wish their girlfriends were less emotional, and lots of couples wish they argued less often. You’ve got an ideal situation, and yet…something doesn’t seem quite right. The easy answer is don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. In other words, knock it off and be happy with what you have.
It’s absolutely possible that she’s not a crier, and that she always operates on an even keel. Some people just aren’t easily ruffled (I don’t know any of these people, but I’ve heard rumor that they exist). Another possibility is that in the four months you’ve been together, her life has been abnormally uneventful. Four months is usually enough time to see every side of a person, but not necessarily. If her work has been stable, and no one has died, and the two of you are simpatico, then sure, what’s there to cry or yell about? I haven’t seen Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, so I’m having trouble drumming up outrage that she didn’t cry during it, but some people just don’t cry over movies. Have you yourself shown anger or cried in front of her? If not, maybe it’s not so crazy that she hasn’t either.
Is it possible she’s a female Bruce Banner with the Hulk hiding inside?
That said, intuition is a valuable resource in relationships, IF you’re not a highly anxious person who tends to look for catastrophe. When something feels off, when you can’t quite put your finger on it, I think there’s usually some truth to whatever you suspect. It would take a lot of self control but yes, it’s possible that she hides “negative” emotions like sadness, anger, or fear, because she doesn’t feel comfortable expressing them in front of you, or she fears that you’ll react badly to seeing them.
So why not ask her? Open up a conversation about it. You can even use that movie as an in–“I was thinking today about how I’ve never seen you cry, not even when we’ve watched sad movies. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you angry, either. I would hate to think you were censoring yourself in front of me.” If she admits to being dishonest about her feelings, reassure her that you’re okay with seeing that side of her. If she says all is well, then believe that she’s telling the truth (and high five for finding a laid-back lady).
-Beth
Got something brewing in your life? Send me an email–style, etiquette, relationships–I answer it all:askawoman@dappered.com