Ask A Woman: WWBSD? (What would Barney Stinson Do?)
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
Hey Beth,
I got engaged recently and while we still have plenty of time before the wedding, I am already trying to make a critical attire choice: tuxedo or very nice suit? My fiancé has left the decision completely up to me and I am having a hard time deciding. I am highly considering purchasing either the tuxedo or a nice suit, so that I can get it tailored to fit me perfectly and I don’t have to worry about not looking sharp in a rental. I feel like after the fact I would get a lot more use out of a suit than a tuxedo, but there is something special about wearing a good looking tux on a wedding day. Do you have any insight or advice to help sway me one way or the other? What do women think when they see a guy in a great tuxedo? Does it even happen that often with all the bad rentals out there? I’d like to look my best on my wedding day.
Thanks,
Charles
Hiya Charles,
Given what you’ve told me:
- You want to purchase your attire so that it fits as well as possible
- You know you’ll get more use out of a suit than a tux
- You wonder if women (i.e., your bride) will think you look snappier in a tux
I’d recommend going with a suit. Here’s why. It is hard to get a well-fitting rental tux–the pants and sleeves are often too long, the fabric around the torso is frequently baggy, the jacket hangs off the shoulders instead of molding to them. Cruise around Facebook for an hour and look at your friends’ and acquaintances’ wedding pictures. I bet you’ll be able to tell who rented their attire, and who bought. For a lot of people that’s a non-issue because the majority of people out there aren’t meticulous dressers. As I’ve often said, just look around you next time you’re out and about–there’s a lot of ill-fitting, unflattering outfits out there. And good for them. They’re probably using their brain to cure childhood leukemia or develop new strains of wheat that can feed more starving people per acre planted, while we agonize over how to correctly mix patterns. Anyway, since you know you want to look sharp, buying is going to be your best bet…
…and unless you’re a Rockefeller, I can’t imagine that you’ll have many, if any, occasions to wear a tux after you get married. If you do, it will probably be an isolated event that occurs in five, ten, fifteen years, and much as we might like to think we’ll stay the same size as we were on our wedding day…being happily married tends to lead to a little…love pudge. I’m raising my hand on this one. My husband and I were talking about this couple we know who are super tall and super thin, and he described them as string beans. Then I looked at myself, looked at my husband and said, “Yeah, we’re more like lima beans these days, eh?” (Incidentally, I thought this was funnier than he did.) So go for a suit. You can wear it for future fancy events–anniversary and birthday dinners out, weddings, baptisms, work events–and you’ll be getting your money’s worth.
If you do decide to rent, try the recently mentioned by GQ theblacktux.com … Super 150s wool, Slim cuts, and all done over the internet (shipping is free too). $95 – $120 for rental.
As for women? Ask the typical woman–even a stylish, fashion-forward woman–what the difference between a suit and tux is and you’ll either get a blank stare, or an answer like, “You wear a tux at a wedding” or “You wear a bow tie with a tux.” Neither of which is strictly correct, of course. The main difference is that tuxes have satin detail and suits don’t. A tux has a thin stripe of satin material running up the sides of each leg, and satin lapels on the jacket. There are other differences, like the number of buttons on the jacket, cummerbunds, or whether or not it has a vent, but even these standards are looser these days.
The last consideration here is what your wedding party is wearing. If you’re having groomsmen and it’s important to you that they match, then I’d say, rent tuxes. It’s going to be hard to match everyone if they’re wearing the suits they already have in their closets (and they’re probably not going to want to buy a whole new suit just to stand up in your wedding). But more and more, wedding parties are given a color scheme by the bride and groom, and then given the freedom to wear whatever they want, a trend I love, and that I think makes the wedding and pictures more interesting and personal. I leave you with this final word from Barney Stinson, expert in this sort of thing:
Happy planning, Charles, and congratulations on your engagement!
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com
I agree with Beth. If going tailored, get the suit. Mainly because you can get some use out of it after the big day. I’ve got a hand-me-down quality tux that I’ve had tailored to fit. I’ve worn it once since it was given to me 5 years ago.
You must also consider the venue and time of day. Outdoor wedding in the afternoon? No go on a tux. From what I understand, tuxes are for evening weddings only and typically push the wedding to a more formal side.
I got married in May and went with the Indochino Essential Grey for me and my groomsmen(although it was still $350 back then). I wore the 3 piece and my groomsman did just the two. I felt a little bad for asking the guys to pony up that much cash for a suit, so I paid $150 per guy as their groomsman gift. I figured a rental was around $100, so they would only have to pay $100 more to get a great fitting suit that they could keep.
The reviews were fantastic. All my groomsman said the suit is not their go-to wedding suit. We got tons of compliments at the wedding and I could not have been happier. My wife and i had a laid back wedding(outdoors, 4:00 pm, short ceremony, minimal pictures) so that worked for us.
Other options which have been suggested include getting a JCrew suit on sale or maybe trying the other MTM sites.
I wish I had purchased a tux myself. After being in numerous weddings, the rental bill added up to significantly more than it would have cost to buy/alter one to fit me well. I also think for weddings tux > suit and asking your groomsmen to plunk down cash for a new suit is something not all of them will welcome.
If the ceremony is any time before 6 PM a tux would be gauche. If you plan on going to 1 or more black tie event a year then a tux is pretty awesome to own, but if you’re not big on charity events/auctions/whatever, you’ll almost never find an opportunity to put your gear on.
If you do decide to buy a tux, start scouring ebay NOW. You can find superb examples for about 30% of retail. If you’re a 38R there’s a gorgeous Zegna tux for 20% of retail available right now. If you wait and buy it last minute you’ll get stuck with a super-expensive rig that you’ll never get to wear. If you’re looking for the new-hotness midnight blue shawl collar, I highly recommend Kent Wang MTM.
Botton line – I got married in a tux earlier this year and I’m glad I did but would hesitate to recommend it to anybody else. Navy blue suits are 90% as good looking but won’t accumulate dust afterword.
Put This On had a great, informative post if you’re a traditionalist:
http://putthison.com/post/334425916/weddingattireformen
My father bought me a new suit, 2 shirts, 2 ties, belt, and new shoes for my wedding day. Tailored and multiple options for after the big day, it was money well spent 10 times over in my opinion. I still have the shirts and ties and shoes and they all look as good as the day they were purchased. I looked great and felt great, and that suit has gotten me many more compliments during interviews as well. For the money, save the tux for when you can purchase one when you need it for black tie, otherwise invest in a nice tailored suit, you will not regret it.
I find it sad that people today don’t wear formal wear. Its not like social events of the 20s were any different than those today. Folk stood around drinking alcohol, flirting with the opposite sex, boasting about their latest possessions, and laughing it up with friends/colleagues. My grandfather owned a tux. He was one generation away from slavery and wasn’t even middle class. Is it that we don’t dress special for events today, because we don’t view them as special anymore?
Charles, I promise you, you will have other opportunities to buy suits for day to day use. You’ve got one shot to make you wedding day special. Everyone else there can dress like bums, but its not about them, it’s about you and yours. Buy a tux (New or used) and be the one guy who looks good on his wedding day, unlike me and the others with rented tuxes and grey suits.
Exactly, today is laundry day, so I plan on wearing my morning coat.
Just had my wedding in July, and DC weather was GOOD for a change. Did the church thing, outdoor pictures, then took it to a jazz club for the reception, so formality was all over the place.
I chose suit supply for myself, and my groomsmen snagged oxford cloth Thompson suits from JCF back in the spring for 200 bucks each. Suits looked fantastic, and everything fit great. Much more personality than a tux, and I think I may have gotten as many compliments on my suit as my wife did on her dress. Go for the suit!!
I bought a tux for my wedding almost 3 years ago, and I have barely worn it again. I have since been a groomsman in a handful of weddings, and of course, my tux wasn’t the appropriate style for those occasions. One wedding required a gray tux (shudder), and another had dark navy rental suits.
I have had exactly one occasion to wear the tux, and that was to a “black tie optional” wedding, and I was one of two people not in the wedding party wearing a tux. This had the unintended consequence of constantly being asked to get in pictures with the wedding party, and a number of conversations asking how long I’ve been friends with the groom (I had never met him before that day). What’s worse, recently I finally tried the tux on while cleaning out the closet, and I realized how ill-fitting it was (this was pre-Dappered and my interest in fashion). I’m a strong 42R, and this was a 44R with a half-hearted taper added by the store tailor.
Since I bought my tux on my own, the “free tux” I got for booking a group at Men’s Wearhouse was handed over to my best man, and I spent my own money to keep the rest of the groomsmen’s costs down. If I could do it again, I would have chipped in the same kind of cash to help everyone get decent looking, versatile dark suits that they could still enjoy wearing to this day.
My understanding on the common “rules” for tux wear is never during the day and never on Sunday. Also, great idea on gifting part of the suit price for your groomsmen.
I get that the no Tux before 6 p.m. thing is a standard rule people throw about, but I have been to very few summer weddings where the ceremony was held after 6 p.m (especially where the ceremony was at a separate church). And at several of those pre-6 p.m. weddings, the groom and groomsmen were in a tux. This rule seems to be followed about as mush as the “no bluchers with a suit” rule.
Most important consideration – the time of the wedding. There is a reason they call it “evening wear”
Tangential rant: There are people who actually have events that require a tux — and I’m not even dating a girl who is in Junior League. And my last name isn’t Rockefeller, Kennedy, Carnegie, Mellon or Vanderbilt… I probably use it 2-3 times a year, and the investment was more than worth it for me. It won’t be for everyone. A lot depends on the level of formality that your friends go with weddings (I’ve been in a few where groomsmen were in formal attire–wear your own tux if you have one or rent, etc.). Your location will also dictate a lot–NYC, Dallas, DC will have more events that require formal attire. It’s a bit over the top to generalize and say no one will use them except rich people…
Now for the on-topic part for our boy Charles: For your wedding day, consider that your bride buys a dress she’ll only use once. Investing in a well tailored tuxedo might be more than necessary, but at least you may have occasions to wear it going forward–hers likely costs much more than yours and she doesn’t have that utility in the future, so it’s like a bonus. If you want to wear a tux (or if your bride wants to), do it. You (hopefully) only do this once:
http://www.punchpresence.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/treatyoself.jpg
I’m going to echo the sentiments of the pro-Black Tie crowd.
Honestly, it’s your wedding, it’s your day. Why wear a normal suit on your special day, when you can get a fantastic-looking and classic tuxedo from SuitSupply for $470 (and your groomsmen can rent from the above website). It will never go out of style and will require minimal tailor and, yes, it will fit amazingly well. Suits are nice, but you can wear suits literally any other time. And once you own your own tuxedo, you will find events where you can wear it. I’m not even married and I own two tuxedos, that I wear a handful of times a year.
And, no, a common business suit does not have “more personality” than a tuxedo.
Buy the tux. Everything else will feel like a compromise and you’ll know it. The tux need not brake the bank. If you’ve got time shop around, check out sales, find something nice and then let your tailor make it perfect.
I wear my tux 4 to 5 times a year and often wear it to semi-formal events even when I know I might be the only person there in one. You get noticed in a very good way.
I got married farely young (24) and didn’t realize what style was yet. I rented a tux that didn’t fit well and regret not purchasing my own. As a few people have mentioned, it is an extremely special day that only happens once in your lifetime (hopefully). Pony up the few hundred dollars to buy a decent tux because you never know what the future holds in store for you. You may need it for only your wedding, but you could also end up needing it a few times a year. In any case, at least you’ll look good for your wedding.
So you want to compare a wedding to doing laundry? Really!?!?
Literally JUST picked up my suit for my friend’s wedding I’m in this weekend. He should have read a few articles like this before making his decision. Luckily I talked him into buying instead of renting, but the suits are still pretty bad…
I say go and buy a tux. Yeah you may only wear it for your wedding day, but that day is one of the most special in our lifetimes. Like others said, you don’t have to break the bank. There’s plenty of great tuxes out there for a great price. I’m getting married next year and already bought myself a tux. I found a new navy JCrew Ludlow tux on eBay for $300 (pants and jacket). It only needs minimal tailoring like jacket taken in, pants hem, etc. Go all out, because it’s your day!
Ehh. I think in this day and age, with all the different kinds of weddings and wedding venues people are having, those kinds of archaic rules are much less important than simply looking your best. My friend had a daytime beach wedding and we all wore tuxedos.
I guess the joke didn’t land, I apologize.
Does time of day really matter anymore when it comes to wedding attire? It seems like such an arbitrary rule.
A good friend of mine had an afternoon beach wedding, and we all wore tuxedos. In the end, I think we all felt much better than if we had simply worn suits, in large part due to the added luxe factor of the tuxes. (Even though most of the others wore rentals.)
That kind of argument misses the point of a tuxedo, don’t you think? I mean, it’s sort of like telling the bride to just get a simple white slip dress instead of a full wedding dress because she’ll get more use out of it.
Buy the tux! No doubt about it. Wearing a regular suit at your wedding just seems so…lackadaisical to me. I know society is getting casual about these things, but it’s your WEDDING! Play the part. Your bride will look her best, and has likely spent thousands on her dress. Why shouldn’t you look your best in a well-fitted tux?
I got married last October, and had a tailored tux made for me in NYC. It was one of the tailors that measures you, allows you to completely design your suit (fabrics, buttons, vents, etc.) and sends the specs to their factory overseas. It came back several weeks after, and fit like a glove with no alterations needed. It cost me about $700, and it was so worth it. I felt great on my wedding day in it, and the attention to detail showed. I got compliments on my tux, and have even gotten to wear it on one occasion since.
And to respond to what a few other people said, I have never heard that tuxes should only be worn for evening weddings. My understanding is that tuxes can be worn anytime, but evening weddings (6:00 PM ceremony or later) traditionally require tails.
I think the good thing that we’re walking away from this post with is: don’t rent a tux. A well tailored suit will look better than a tux and be a much better investment. Personally, I’m trying to find a vintage dinner jacket after seeing this TSB post. Sure, it’s ostentatious, but I like to have my fun.
http://tsbmen.com/24190/formal-party-tuxedo-rental-alternatives/4/
That said, I still want a fantastic tux for my wedding day. If my future wife can have a fantastic dress that she’ll never wear again, I can at least attempt to match her beauty.
Thanks, but no need. I just read it as, the joke was on me.
Oh man Beth you picked the perfect video!
For my wedding I wore purchased formal wear (a kilt in my case – the wife is from Edinburgh) and I have worn it about 20 times in the last 17 years, sometimes for formal events and sometimes for cultural ones. Her family has diplomats in it so family events sometimes call for formal wear so it was money well spent.
I figured 3 tux wearing events and it paid for itself.
As the others say you will find excuses to wear it and this is one of the times you will have permission to splash out so seize the day.
Go with the suit! Way more useful after your wedding. Also, consider what type of wedding you’re having. If you are having an elegant, ballroom, platted dinner, cathedral type of wedding, then a tux might be appropriate.
Went with the charcoal ludlow for my wedding, got the jacket on sale and the pants for free (the pants were shipped with the wrong lining – got to love JCrew’s customer service..!)
My groomsmen are all renting matching tuxedos but the rental doesn’t fit well enough for me. I actually was hoping there would be an article about this here so lucky me!
I found a great fitting (but expensive) tux today so I am now thinking about just getting a really nice suit. Is that a bad idea being that everyone else is wearing a tux?
They’re all wearing charcoal…..