First, a note to the few self-proclaimed alpha-Males who clicked into this post simply because they can’t wait to swing their dicks around in the comments, touting whatever “system” they use to bed as many women as possible. Shut your pie holes. Here’s why:
- Believe it or not, there are plenty of guys out there whose ultimate life goals don’t include ejaculating as often as possible. This isn’t about that.
- Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Those who say “Dude you just need to get confident and stop being a pussy” fail miserably in the delivery department when it comes to this topic.
Second, this is written from a heterosexual perspective, but plenty should carry over between the orientations. You certainly don’t have to be a straight male to fall into the “out of my league” trap.
Now, on with it.
#1. It doesn’t do you or her any good to feel this way.
Guys who fall into the “out of my league” trap have probably already told themselves this. But it’s worthwhile examining WHY it does nobody any good to feel this way:
- You make yourself look worse in her eyes. i.e. “My guy has zero confidence”
- To her, you’re starting to sound like you think she’s a dope. Really. If you’re such a tool and she’s so great, what does that say about your impression of her judgement? It says you think she’s dumb.
- You sound selfish to her. Thinking this way always turns the focus of the relationship back towards the person feeling inadequate. It sounds like they’re fishing for compliments, even if they’re not. Keep that in mind the next time you feel a bit of “she’s out of my league” starting to slip out. You wanna be that guy?
Again, the guys who honestly feel this way have almost certainly already had this conversation with themselves. So, onto something that’ll appeal more to the left side of the brain…
#2. Look around. This isn’t uncommon. In fact, it’s the norm.
Take comfort, ye who unfairly thinks himself of resembling a turd. You’re not alone. It’s ridiculous how many museum worthy masterpieces of womanhood are gliding around. There’s a Venus de Milo (or multiple) on every block. Yet, on this side of the gender aisle, the overwhelming majority of us are paint-by-number goofballs. They don’t call em’ the fairer sex for nothing. The fact is, the ratio of good looking women to good looking men on this planet is just plain unfair. It is good to be on team penis.
The key is to take what you have, and make the most of it. That’s the essence of attractiveness to many. That’s what “the sexy” is built upon for most.
Being born with great hair, a symmetrical face, and razor sharp cheekbones is like winning the lottery. Good for you, but it’s nothing to be proud of. You didn’t earn it. It was a gift from the gods & odds. We’re all dealt a genetic hand. It’s how well you play those cards that matters.
Do this by trying to get better, every day. In a big picture sense. While pursuing physical fitness is certainly part of the equation for most, biceps and triceps will only get you so far. Improve what’s going on between your ears every single day. And even though your heart and guts are located in other regions of your body, they’re controlled by that lump of mush behind your eyeballs. Make those things better. Brains, guts, heart. That’s what people find attractive.
Besides, from the neck up, your only real choice is to concentrate on that blob of grey matter between your ears. There’s not a whole lot you can do about what’s going on in front of them.
Top Photo Credit: John McClaverty
The Coasters – Get an ugly girl to marry you
“Brains, guts, heart. That’s what people find attractive.”
Truth. Everything else eventually fades.
Joe – swing our dicks around?
….damn it. It’s too early in the morning to come up with the perfect sarcastic response….
Agree. It’s the difference between true confidence, which is all internally motivated (i.e., taking charge of life for yourself), vs fake/over- confidence, which is externally motivated (i.e., impressing others).
What if my gut is all stomach?
In my opinion, alpha men are mainly status seeking and much of their behavior towards women is meant to be status reinforcing (not about sex). In chimps, this status maintenance is so stressful and causes so much cortisol that alpha chimps die young. The only thing worse is wanting high status while being low. Even in chimps, the only winners are the ones not playing the game.
My morning is made when “biceps and triceps” is linked to the other day’s post of what what I thought was exactly just that!
There was a guy who saw a gorgeous lady, thought she was out of his league, and never made a move. But when I saw her, I introduced myself, and she’s now Mrs. Styles. That first guy missed his one shot! Seize the day, gentlemen.
Straight up laughed out loud at the first paragraph. Few weird looks from the people sitting next to me at work. Worth it.
Joe, I love this post, especially the first part. Nice work!
Good post. The movie “She’s out of my League”, while a silly movie, makes a similar point.
Nicely done, sir.
The real reason to never think “She’s out of my league”: Christina Hendricks is married to Geoffrey Arend (the stoned kid from ‘Super Troopers’). Think about that next time you think to yourself “daw….she’s too pretty for me”
Awesome, this is like the Moneyball of dating!
#teampenis
“First, a note to the few self-proclaimed alpha-Males who clicked into this post simply because they can’t wait to swing their dicks around in the comments, touting whatever “system” they use to bed as many women as possible. Shut your pie holes.”
Best. Dappered. Intro. Ever.
I once saw a girl that was WAY out of my league. Knowing I had nothing to lose, I made a move. She became my girlfriend & we fell in love. She died last year of cancer. I don’t regret it for a second. Whenever the time comes that I’m ready to move on I know one thing is for certain. She’ll be a tough act to follow.
“There’s a Venus de Milo (or multiple) on every block. Yet, on this side of the gender aisle, the overwhelming majority of us are paint-by-number goofballs.”
Well . . . they have a lot of secret weapons that we don’t. Make-up and push-up bras come to mind.
Not a fan of the codpiece?
Thanks for sharing your story man, that took guts. It sounds like you have a great attitude and that will help you find another great one.
Loved the post Joe, especially the first part and the “Brain, guts, heart” sections!
Solid.
Yea, I never fully understood this “She’s out of my league” mentality. There’s already enough self entitlement amongst women – it ain’t like they’re a Uhura who can speak multiple alien languages and can talk to a Klingon alone. Women these days.
Sometimes I read weight lifting forums … my gosh.
I was thinking the same thing
This… THIS… is why I fucking love this website.
bro do u even lift??
Swinging your piece around the internet is pompous &
ephemeral. Only presenting it for a special lady(ies) is exemplary
& astute. Dappered helps you work the fairer sex so that you can be
confident, witty and save face.
I’ve been doing this recently to get some more info on IF and other approaches… it’s unfortunately an uphill battle to come across anything that isn’t peacocking and interweb urinating contests.
Helicopter helicopter helicopter!
Pics or it didn’t ha- wait… WAIT, NO! NONONONONONOOOO NEVERMIND!!!
Others can react how they see fit to the content of the message. But I’ll say it: that’s one fine piece of writing. The best I’ve seen all year on Dappered.
Thanks brother.
So am I, and Christina Hendricks doesn’t ever call me back.
No, thank you. (also, you’re welcome)
It’s not about how you look, it’s how you make her feel.
The “she’s out of my league” way of thinking usually derives from a combo of thoughts along the lines of “she’s great”, “I suck”. It’s easy to say “just be more confident” but when trapped in such a cycle, that will do more harm than good.
What worked for me was thinking what was so wonderfull about him (that both made me like him more and myself less in comparison) and work on that myself. Example: I love that my man is so cultured and makes me feel kind of shallow. I made a consious effort to learn about stuff I found interesting, like classic books and art and now we laugh about it because it turns out he thought I was out of his league for being so cultured
It’s a process where you have nothing to lose. You acknowledge the shortcomings that make you feel bad about yourself and work to fix them. This can work with both brain and brawn. Good luck 🙂
The one’s I leave alone are the one’s that think they’re out of MY league. Au contraire…
t-nation.com… you’re welcome
You haven’t seen anything until you’ve read the beefheadiness that is return of Kings
Something I think I’ve learned since high school touches on one of your points – that there are a lot more beautiful girls than really handsome men. I used to think that was an issue in high school, that a guy’s looks were his main thing to trade on. But while ladies may swoon over a gorgeous man, all that really does is get you a ‘way in’ – once you’re speaking to them, it’s absolutely just your character that’s going to attract them or not. And there are plenty of ‘ways in’ to talking to them if you’re not a Brad Pitt or whoever!