“Break a leg!” without the hubby breaking your face.
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com .
Beth,
One of my best (female) friends is playing the lead in a stage production. She also happens to be an ex-girlfriend, and is newly married. I’m going to a non-opening night show with some of her family and family friends; her husband will probably be there too. What sort of flowers are appropriate, and what would be the best way of giving or getting them to her?
– Kyle
Hi Kyle,
What a nice gesture. Flowers are such a lovely gift. Every time I receive them I’m surprised, delighted, and moved (dudes, take note, this is an easy, easy, easy way to win some brownie points with your partner). Way to be, Kyle.
The only flowers I’d tell you to absolutely stay away from are roses. Roses of any color tend to be interpreted as a sign of love and romance, and you don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. Other than that, the options are open. I think a bouquet with Gerbera daisies, sunflowers, or daffodils would be beautiful and appropriate. These also strike me as “laid-back” flowers, flowers that speak to friendship, though certainly you don’t have to limit yourself to these. Although many grocery stores now have high quality bouquets, you could seek the advice of a professional florist for this particular occasion. Tell him/her the circumstance, and they can help you put together a bouquet that screams, “WE’RE JUST FRIENDS! PROMISE!” Keep the bouquet on the small size. If her husband has the same idea, you don’t want your bouquet to outshine his. (Why do the most innocent phrases take a turn for the dirty in this column?)
Took four years, but Neil Diamond finally makes an appearance on Dappered.
LOOKIN’ GOOD NEIL.
As far as giving them to her, just do it after the show. Presumably she’ll come out and greet everyone who came to support her. Give her a hug, tell her she did a great job, and hand her the flowers. If you’re concerned about how it will look, or if you know that her husband feels a bit uncomfortable with your friendship,ask some of her friends ahead of time who will be there if they’d like to go in on it with you. Everyone can pitch in and sign the little card and that way it’s a group effort.
Navigating a friendship after a romantic interlude can be tricky when one or both parties have met someone else but the best way to do it is to keep it all out in the open. To be honest, I doubt anyone will question your intentions. Your friendship isnt a secret. Giving flowers to a performer after a show is traditional. And she’s newly married. Don’t worry about it too much. Enjoy the show and break a leg.
– Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send it to: askawoman@dappered.com
I agree fully. No need to send mixed signals. Beth’s flower recommendations are spot on. As for the *flowers from the group* idea, this is one of the best ways to make sure that it isn’t seen as a romantic anything.
Geez! When you answer a question so completely, there’s no room left for comments. 😛
You could also just add your girlfriends name to the card, instant friend zone.
Tulips are a favorite gift for Mrs. Styles. They’re not as expensive as roses, are more durable, and come in a nice array of colors. They say “I’m thinking of you” without suggesting “…thinking of boinking you.”
YES! Tulips. Great call. They do say the former, without saying the latter… even if you are thinking of the latter.
Yeeeeeeahhhhuhhhh.
No. Just don’t. This advice is sound, but the idea is terrible. Unless you’re good friends with her husband as well, and he’s okay with this. To quote Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally: “What I’m saying is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always
gets in the way….Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her….because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.”
But what if she has tulips already… and her tulips touch your tulips?
To be fair, that was a movie. This is real life ( I think).
It might sound like some great insight on screen, but it’s not true for everyone. Some of us can definitely be just friends with a lady you find attractive. Particularly if you have a significant other already and care about, you know, being faithful and all.
Her husband may not be thrilled with it, granted. But if they’ve got a good relationship then he should trust her and recognize the gesture for what it is. In this case, he should remember that they’re exes for a reason.
Be sure to stick a fake clown-style, squirt-gun-flower in the middle of the bouquet. When she goes in for a sniff, squirt her in the face a few times and proudly announce “Just like old times! Remember? *squirt squirt* Ya get it?”
That’s right folks, stick with me: I’ll teach you how to make friends!
That line is BS. Contrary to what screenwriters would have us believe, not every man is a walking erection trying to hump everything that moves.
Speak for yourself!
😉
No offense to Beth, but the female perspective is not quite the one you’re needing to be worried about in this situation (unless the female still has questions about the relationship between you and her… an entirely different animal…). Put yourself in the husband’s shoes and just think about how you would perceive the situation. You also need to go by what you know about the husband and how he might react. The last thing you want to do is cause trouble for your friend and her husband. If you think he might react poorly, skip the flowers.
If you can’t get many involved in a group signing of the flowers, see if you can get one or more of her friends (at least one woman) to bring similar flowers. Hopefully the husband will bring proper, romantic flowers, so there will be an instant comparison between his flowers and the ones brought by you and the other friends. This also helps put more emphasis on the “flowers after a show” tradition. The more people giving flowers, the less meaning each individual has.
Well don’t you sound like a schemer.
The OP is the schemer who’s hiding his true intentions behind a false friendship…I would never buy flowers for tickets/gifts…If and when I ever give a girl flowers it’s because I’m attracted to her and I am a man by communicating to her that I am.
Isn’t all the cost/benefit analysis of all your relationships exhausting?
Neil Diamond! El Jefe! L’Chaim! She’s no Streisand though:(
http://youtu.be/wj10EzNKA2M
Giving flowers to a friend after a stage performance is a totally different thing than giving flowers as a gift for any other occasion. It’s a tradition, especially if she is a woman playing the lead.
All this hate for this comment. The truth behind it is this. If you find a girl attractive and are her friend and she threw the sex in your lap, almost no guy will say “get away”. That means that if you aren’t making moves or entertaining the thought it is because the opportunity didn’t present itself.
Actually happens all the time, at least with guys who are in committed relationships. I’ve managed to navigate 21 years of marriage without sleeping with other women, even… gasp… when they asked me to! Not to say part of me didn’t want to, but I made a promise to someone I care about and that was worth more than a passing bit of pleasure.
Not speaking about married guys. Married men should stay faithful because they have made a commitment. I am assuming the original question is coming from a single person, just as the fictional character making the statement was single and the guy I am referring to in my comment.
Single as in not in a relationship at all, or just not married? I didn’t realize he had made any comment on his own status.
Doesn’t matter to me either way, I was faithful when I was dating too. I just found it easier.
Here I was thinking picked flowers had more of an impact than a bouquet. I want my last girl back