Approaching a Woman at the Gym

Hey! You need to re-rack those weights! Also…wanna have dinner?

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday.  She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked.  That happens from time to time too.  Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Hi Beth,

I’m interested in a girl at my gym. What’s the best way to approach her so I don’t seem like some creeper? Any specific things that I can say? Also, what’s the best timing to approach her? I’m guessing when she’s on the stair-master with her booty sticking out at me *isn’t* the best time. And speaking of creeper, anything to definitely avoid doing/saying that will completely kill my chances? Thanks!

Leo

 

Hi Leo,

I actually know a couple who met at the gym. They each noticed the other working out, and they both amped up their gym time in order to scope out the other person for longer periods of time. The woman finally approached the guy, they started talking…one wedding and two kids later, here they are. Well not here. There. Wherever they are. Wherever you go, there you are.

Anyhoooo, my point is that people meet each other in all sorts of places, so why not the gym? We have proof that it can work. Decide which tact you want to use with this woman. Do you want to slowly start talking to her, and after a week or two or three, ask her out? Or the first time you speak to her, do you want to go for it? I don’t think one is better than the other, really. It just depends on your comfort (and confidence) level.

If you do the former, try to seek out opportunities where there’s built-in conversation. For instance, if she’s stretching on the mat watching TV, saunter over, start stretching, and say something about whatever is on the TV. Weather report–“Can you believe how hot it’s going to be this weekend?” MTV reality show–“I’m scared for the future if this is the youth of America.” Baseball game–“Are you a Yankees fan?” (If her answer is yes, run far, far away…I kid. Sort of.) Don’t overdo it. If the conversation flows, go with it, but if not, don’t worry. Next time you see her, try to strike up conversation again. Hopefully she begins to show interest–making eye contact with you from across the room, smiling when you walk by, initiating conversation herself. Then you can ask her out and not feel like it’s coming from out of the blue.

“Hey, so, I was… um… maybe if… y’know maybe this isn’t the best time.”

If you want to get right to the point, instead of building up to it, you can approach her when she first comes out of the locker room before she’s started working out; after she comes out of the locker room to head home; or after her workout when she’s stretching or hanging out on the mat. Since I value my gym time as a way to de-stress and clear my head, I’d rather be approached before I do anything, or after I’m all done so that my workout isn’t interrupted–I suspect other people feel the same way.

No matter which option you choose, to avoid coming off as a creeper, don’t talk about her body. Yes, it’s a gym, and clearly you appreciate her assets (heyyoooo!) since that’s all you know about her at the moment, but don’t mention the obvious. “You have amazing abs, wanna go out?” No. No. Also, your instinct to avoid approaching her while she’s on the Stairmaster is wise (unless you’re on the Stairmaster next to her and you have an in for a conversation starter), since her aforementioned booty will probably be right at your face level. As nice as that might be for you, she may feel self-conscious about it. Same with any other scenario that might make her feel uncomfortable…like if she’s using that weight machine that works the inner thigh. Awkward.

Beyond that, approaching a woman in the gym is like approaching a woman any other place. Be nice, be appropriate, be respectful. Make us proud, son.

-Beth