Hey! You need to re-rack those weights! Also…wanna have dinner?
Hey! You need to re-rack those weights! Also…wanna have dinner?If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Hi Beth,
I’m interested in a girl at my gym. What’s the best way to approach her so I don’t seem like some creeper? Any specific things that I can say? Also, what’s the best timing to approach her? I’m guessing when she’s on the stair-master with her booty sticking out at me *isn’t* the best time. And speaking of creeper, anything to definitely avoid doing/saying that will completely kill my chances? Thanks!
Leo
Hi Leo,
I actually know a couple who met at the gym. They each noticed the other working out, and they both amped up their gym time in order to scope out the other person for longer periods of time. The woman finally approached the guy, they started talking…one wedding and two kids later, here they are. Well not here. There. Wherever they are. Wherever you go, there you are.
Anyhoooo, my point is that people meet each other in all sorts of places, so why not the gym? We have proof that it can work. Decide which tact you want to use with this woman. Do you want to slowly start talking to her, and after a week or two or three, ask her out? Or the first time you speak to her, do you want to go for it? I don’t think one is better than the other, really. It just depends on your comfort (and confidence) level.
If you do the former, try to seek out opportunities where there’s built-in conversation. For instance, if she’s stretching on the mat watching TV, saunter over, start stretching, and say something about whatever is on the TV. Weather report–“Can you believe how hot it’s going to be this weekend?” MTV reality show–“I’m scared for the future if this is the youth of America.” Baseball game–“Are you a Yankees fan?” (If her answer is yes, run far, far away…I kid. Sort of.) Don’t overdo it. If the conversation flows, go with it, but if not, don’t worry. Next time you see her, try to strike up conversation again. Hopefully she begins to show interest–making eye contact with you from across the room, smiling when you walk by, initiating conversation herself. Then you can ask her out and not feel like it’s coming from out of the blue.
“Hey, so, I was… um… maybe if… y’know maybe this isn’t the best time.”
If you want to get right to the point, instead of building up to it, you can approach her when she first comes out of the locker room before she’s started working out; after she comes out of the locker room to head home; or after her workout when she’s stretching or hanging out on the mat. Since I value my gym time as a way to de-stress and clear my head, I’d rather be approached before I do anything, or after I’m all done so that my workout isn’t interrupted–I suspect other people feel the same way.
No matter which option you choose, to avoid coming off as a creeper, don’t talk about her body. Yes, it’s a gym, and clearly you appreciate her assets (heyyoooo!) since that’s all you know about her at the moment, but don’t mention the obvious. “You have amazing abs, wanna go out?” No. No. Also, your instinct to avoid approaching her while she’s on the Stairmaster is wise (unless you’re on the Stairmaster next to her and you have an in for a conversation starter), since her aforementioned booty will probably be right at your face level. As nice as that might be for you, she may feel self-conscious about it. Same with any other scenario that might make her feel uncomfortable…like if she’s using that weight machine that works the inner thigh. Awkward.
Beyond that, approaching a woman in the gym is like approaching a woman any other place. Be nice, be appropriate, be respectful. Make us proud, son.
-Beth
1. Be handsome.
2. Be attractive.
3. Don’t be unattractive.
@ Beth: Choose your tack with tact.
@ Creeper: I’d say resist. You like that gym? Don’t cr@p where you eat — or in this case, exercise.
Definitely offer to bench-press her.
*deadlift
http://i.imgur.com/MvYaHId.gif
All this text is really unnecessary…
How to pickup women at the gym: http://i.imgur.com/MvYaHId.gif
Where I come from, that isn’t what a deadlift usually is.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I posted quickly without thinking. I TRIED to delete the comment in favor of my standalone version, but APPARENTLY disqus just decided to remove my name from the post, not the post itself… Stupid disqus. Stupid Thursday. Is it 5:00 yet?? /pouting
ELAINE: Never mind that, look at the signal I just got.
GEORGE: Signal? What signal?
ELAINE: Lookit. He knew I was gonna use the machine next, he didn’t wipe his sweat off. That’s a gesture of intimacy.
GEORGE: I’ll tell you what that is – that’s a violation of club rules. Now I got him! And you’re my witness!
ELAINE: Listen, George! Listen! He knew what he was doing, this was a signal.
GEORGE: A guy leaves a puddle of sweat, that’s a signal?
ELAINE: Yeah! It’s a social thing.
GEORGE: What if he left you a used Kleenex, what’s that, a valentine? Now you go up to him and you tell him that if he’s thinking of turning me in, that I got the goods on him!
Here is something to consider, if the gym is your sanctuary think very carefully if you want to risk messing with that. Even if this girl works out great for you do you really want to be seeing her everyday at the gym when you are working out? For me, the gym is my time to relax and focus on myself and be stress free. Adding a woman to the mix can complicate that. It can also work out perfectly as Beth noted.
That’s what I’d call a Mean & Press.
What a jerk!
my friend just posted this on her facebook on how she got approached at the gym:
“I’ve seen you pre workout, during your workout, and post workout, could I please see you for dinner and a movie?”
he got a coffee date lol
Beth, what do you think of Mac’s approach from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? “Sweet camel toe.”
You should be going to the gym to lift weights and exercise and focus on that. My friend that goes and is always distracted by girls…has had such slow progress it’s just sad, damn distractions. I am also one of those people that gets annoyed if someone trys to talk to me, everything’s timed and you’re taking me out of my mental state…just rude!
However IF you see the girl outside of the gym in a bar etc you can say “Hi, don’t you go to xxx?!’ and then you can she if she recognizes you from there. Or if she ask you for help then it’s ok to chat. When walking in and out would also be ok, just not during!
Don’t crap where you eat indeed.
Shouldn’t really be surprised if a woman at the gym just isn’t interested in talking- If nothing else, for all you know she has to deal with being approached (creeper or otherwise, still unsolicited, an interruption, etc) regularly and is weary of the routine.
If you want to talk to women at your gym and want an easy way to break the ice, take a fitness class over a span of time (like say a month). The majority of people in a class are women (at least in NYC) and classes are a great way to work out. The bonus is that there are easy topics to talk about: The class, the instructor, how the workout is, how you integrate it into other things (e.g., how spinning has helped your cycling, how the HIT class has helped your MMA), etc., etc..
I still wouldn’t crap where I eat, though.
…just talk to her. You will know real quick whats up.
amen
Not sure if success or burn… we’ll pencil it in as success till we hear the results?
It seems from Beth’s example that those two were attracted to each other initially, so I disagree with some of the ideas to over-think the situation (waiting for when she’s watching tv, “the opportune time”, etc). Some women are okay with men hitting them up at the gym, some aren’t. It’ll depend first on their personality and then whether or not they find you attractive. So that being said, I think if you’re sure you want to ask women out at the gym (it only takes a few cases to be known as the guy who hits on all the girls at the gym), you should just be straight forward. Just wait for when you think she has a second and say you’d like to go out with her sometime.
pls go back to reddit
I am with the other commenters in advising against “crapping where you’re eating” as a general rule. However, if your gym has a cafe area or similar (here in Australia, it is quite common), maybe try approaching her there. If you share a class, you could start with small talk about ‘how difficult it was’ or something else along those lines. If you’re dead set on complimenting her, I like the idea of focusing upon her exercise form and fitness opposed to body parts. For example, she has “great form at the squat rack”, instead of a “nice bum and legs”.
That being said, other than my martial arts training, I don’t exercise indoors or at gyms anymore. So take everything I have said with a herculean grain of salt.
say hi… go from there. life ain’t hard, people just make it that way with negative self-talk and low self-esteem
Here’s a no bullshit, foolproof way to not come off as a creeper at the gym: Don’t try and pick up women at the gym. If you’re going there for any reason other than get your workout on, then you should turn in your goddamn gym membership, and your man-card. Same goes for those women that go to the gym with full on cake face with no intention of working out and instead trying to pick up guys.
Of the 9 billion places you can approach a lady in America, the gym should not be one of them. You’ll get better results hitting on ladies at a lesbian bar then at the gym so dont even try it. You’ll just look foolish and pathetic.