Ask A Woman: It’s February 14, time for everyone to FREAK OUT.
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Sooo…it’s Valentine’s Day. I assume you’re aware? Valentine’s Day, professionally-speaking, is not so great for me this year. I am a woman, writing an advice column for men, that often covers love and relationships, and the day that my column goes up coincides this year with a holiday devoted to…love and relationships. Kinda hard for me to ignore. But also kinda hard for me not to. Why? BECAUSE IT’S ALL BEEN SAID. Does this sound familiar? Valentine’s Day is a bullshit holiday created by greeting card companies in an effort to make even more money and promote a disgusting consumerism-driven display of sentimentalism. How about this one? Just because you don’t have anyone this Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean you’re a loser! What can I even write about? It’s all cliche! It’s all been said! And better than I can do! The only thing I can give you is my small collection of tips for surviving–or enjoying–this day. (And if even this is cliche, well what can I say? I’m a product of my environment.)
Are you the Scrooge of Valentine’s Day? This video of baby sloths will melt your cold, cold heart.
If you have sex tonight, and it’s the best you’ve ever had, good for you. But odds are that it won’t be markedly different from other more recent sexual encounters, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or casually dating someone or whatever. It’s just February 14, and that knowledge alone is usually not enough to magically make sex better than normal. Also, if you fall into the category of having been with your other half for awhile? You might not get laid tonight. I hope you do, but I also hope you realize that again, it’s just a day, and it’s not significant of anything if you and the missus fall asleep exhausted in tattered pajamas at 9pm.
For the women reading who are in relationships (or for men for whom this is a realistic possibility)–you’re not getting engaged today. You’re not. Your boyfriend of six months, two years, a decade, whatever, is not proposing on Valentine’s Day. I say this out of compassion so that you can bring your hopes back down to an altitude with decent air quality. The good news is that you probably have some wine at your disposal, perhaps a box of chocolate. Follow the instinct to drink heavily and binge on bonbons.
It’s okay to like Valentine’s Day. Yeah, most of you reading are dudes, and popular culture tells us that Valentine’s Day is for women, and men should be ambivalent and grudging about this holiday. But if you love it? If you love getting dressed up and taking your lady out for a romantic meal and surprising her with flowers and jewelry and the whole nine yards? More power to you. You’re still manly and I certainly won’t judge you for it.
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