Ask A Woman: Rejecting the feminine influence in men’s style. Too Macho?
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Beth,
Recently we have seen men taking up more feminine dressing habits. Skinny jeans, floral designs on guy’s shirts, men wearing tighter or shorter clothing, brighter colors, etc… My question for you is how much is too much? What is the line between boyfriend and girlfriend? Should the machos calm down or have guys gone too far?
– Dan
Hi Dan,
Everyone plug your nose, we’re about to dive into the pool of gender politics. Here’s the deal: I am both a style columnist, and a real person. Sometimes what I think as a columnist is different from what I think as a real person. That is, for me it’s important to recognize the difference between what is considered stylish and what I like. And I think that’s what you’re getting at, Dan. Although skinny jeans, florals, bright colors, short/tight clothing, and pashminas are all (somewhat arguably) on-trend and appear in magazines and stores… do I think this is a good look for men?
So I’m going to answer this, but first… Sex and the City
Motley Crue. Singing about unbridled masculinity, while wearing makeup and big hair.
Floral designs: Unless it’s on a tie, I don’t like it. It’s too feminine for my taste. Plus, the floral design on men’s t-shirts was a trend that I suspect was motivated by profit margin. Hey, look, we took a plain t-shirt and drew some swirly lilies on it and now we can tack an extra $40 onto the price! Graphic tees in general (for men and women) are bothersome to me. Instead of depending on excellent construction, timeless silhouette or beautifully rendered fabric, they stamped a few witty words and dumped the glitter from your third grade craft drawer on an ill-fitting tee and hoped you’d be distracted by the sparkles.
Skinny jeans: Meh, I don’t care much either way if you have the body to pull it off. If you’re a tall, toned, and lithe guy, skinny jeans work. Here’s why: they accentuate the difference in width between your thighs and your calves, so if you’re thin, the effect is one long line, which, on the bottom half of a man, is a masculine look. But! If you’re carrying an extra 50 pounds of weight, or if you have a big ole’ booty, skinny jeans are going to make you look like you have wide hips and shapely thighs that taper down to a thin ankle. Hmmm, what does that sound like?
Tight clothing: Clothing should skim, not cling, not billow. So no, I don’t like tight clothing, but I don’t think it has anything to do with whether it’s a feminine look or not. I assume decades before The Jersey Shore polluted our TV screens there were juiced guys walking in tiny t-shirts (T-SHIRT TIME!) in order to show off the guns. I just don’t think it’s particularly attractive, plus my particular aesthetic leans toward modesty, not showiness.
Which brings me to a final thought about what it means to be “feminine” or “masculine.” These words only have relative meaning, right? I mean, Magnum, P.I. was running around in shorts we now only see on 19-year-old girls working at the car wash. But was there anyone more traditionally masculine (God forgive me I love his mustache) than Magnum P.I.? No. And yet thirty years later you’d never live it down if you wore those out for a jog (although Robin Masters might ask you to do security for his house).
So I want to encourage everyone, myself especially, to relax about the rules that govern who should wear what. For those who don’t want or are unable to live inside specific gender constructions, we live in an era of unprecedented tolerance and compassion, and for that I say, it’s about goddamned time. I’m going to keep pushing myself to look outside these constructions and see beautiful clothing and fantastic style as just that, regardless of whether or not the person in the hot pink polo has XY chromosomes.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Spot on, Beth! Although I did have a roommate who once wore a pair of capri pants. I still never let him live that down.
Tolerance does not apply to Capri pants.
I agree with Beth on all her talking points, but I think the best advice to the OP would be “Stop looking to women for validation of your masculinity. That’s for you to decide, not the rest of the world.”
Of course, this is a clothing blog 🙂
Ironically the big mustache became a gay style staple
Offered to give a buddy a ride the other day and he walked out of his apartment in capris. My car wouldn’t start–think it was signaling something to him. (JK it was telling me I shouldn’t have forgot to turn my lights off.)
hahah. agreed. capris – never. most other things I can be flexible on.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And this is the Magnum P.I. paradox. He’s a short short, floral shirt, big mustache, wearing bachelor living in the back house of an older, eccentric, wealthy, accented bachelor who lets Magnum drive his nice Italian car. And yet, who among us can doubt Magnum’s heterosexuality. Style is as effeminate or as masculine as the wearer makes it apparently.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And this is the Magnum P.I. paradox. He’s a short short, floral shirt, big mustache, wearing bachelor living in the back house of an older, eccentric, wealthy, accented bachelor who lets Magnum drive his nice Italian car. And yet, who among us can doubt Magnum’s heterosexuality. Style is as effeminate or as masculine as the wearer makes it apparently.
I like the Seinfeld reference but FYI gay =/= effeminate
More like 95% of the time effeminate = gay.
Gay = effeminate perhaps 25% of the time.
YMMV, but we’re all making sweeping generalizations here.
“… if you have a big ole’ booty, skinny jeans are going to make you look
like you have wide hips and shapely thighs that taper down to a thin
ankle. Hmmm, what does that sound like?”
Sounds like me, actually.
Skinny jeans are not slim fit jeans, they’re an abomination — particularly the utterly horrid combination of skinny jeans with baggy ass. Flips my kill switch. Only the civilizing forces of a vigilant judicial system have prevented homicidal acts.
“skinny jeans” and “slim fit jeans” as a label or as a fit?
If you are a slim dude to begin with, skinny jeans may fit in more of a slim shape. if you are a wide-set dude, slim fit jeans may even appear as a skinny fit.
(example: Levis 511s vs 514s –> 514s feel like hammer pants on me)
Its all relative to the wearer. This topic is particularly juicy, and to each their own in both one’s opinion and one’s fashion choices. I have a friend who doesn’t own a single item of clothing that i would even consider wearing, other than one of my old tees that he stole. I also have a friend who occasionally wears yellow pants with a purple v-neck and knee-length brown fur coat. straight as an arrow, and a great dude, but I probably wont wear anything like that either.
That said, I hope no one is violent towards me if my pants are more slim than what you typically wear – unless they are man-pris. Which fall in the “not ever” zone, somewhere between mesh tank-tops and Bill Belichick hoodies.
actually, I was saying we should avoid making such generalizations
511’s are actually all I wear, but then again I’ve been described exactly as Beth said, tall toned and lithe (not exactly lithe, spritely was the word used). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them as a fit, as long as they’re not worn like JKG explains above.
A good article. It’s not only what a man wears but his habits and behavior in public. Spending 40 minutes in front of a mirror before going out, elaborate hairdos, looking like he’s trying too hard, applying lip balm, strong cologne, using your girlfriends cosmetics, holding a cup of Starbucks while wearing a scarf around the neck…
Capris are pushing it, but I’ll admit to rolling my khakis all the way to just below my knees in college.
X3..
Tolerance with Capri pants applies to no man.
“and for that I say, it’s about goddamned time.”
Go Beth! Best “Ask a Woman” yet.
Personally, I don’t give a rip about whether something a guy or girl wears is “masculine” or “feminine.” I mean, Janelle Monae wears almost exclusively tuxedoes and she is pretty much the coolest shit out there as far as I’m concerned. I have lots of friends who are somewhere on the gender-bending spectrum and it doesn’t bother me a whit. Whether you want to express yourself in a masculine or feminine way, or both, it doesn’t matter – you can be stylish no matter what by picking the shapes, materials, and cuts that flatter you and show your attention to detail and quality.
Good for you! Quit fussing about masculine or feminine. Of course, gender gets all mixed up with sexual orientation, which is not a simple thing. Good style is good style and if done right can announce or transcend all these categories.
Here come Dick, he’s wearing a skirt
Here comes Jane, y’know she’s sporting a chain
Same hair, revolution
Same build, evolution
Tomorrow who’s gonna fuss
And they love each other so
Androgynous
Closer than you know, love each other so
Androgynous
Don’t get him wrong and don’t get him mad
He might be a father, but he sure ain’t a dad
And she don’t need advice that’ll center her
She’s happy with the way she looks
She’s happy with her gender
Mirror image, see no damage
See no evil at all
Kewpie dolls and urine stalls
Will be laughed at
The way you’re laughed at now
Now, something meets Boy, and something meets Girl
They both look the same
They’re overjoyed in this world
Same hair, revolution
Unisex, evolution
Tomorrow who’s gonna fuss
And tomorrow Dick is wearing pants
And tomorrow Janie’s wearing a dress
Future outcasts and they don’t last
And today, the people dress the way that they please
The way they tried to do in the last centuries
For the record I was not intentionally stating that gay = effeminate. It was a reference to the discussion above.
The difference to me is that we are dressing to intentionally send a message to others. I’m not the kind of person who tells my kids to be color blind. Color exists in the world – we need to be aware of this and love people of all colors, regardless of their color. In the same way, you can’t ignore that RuPaul is dressing in a certain way to send a message that reflects an identity and sexuality. Likewise, I’m dressing in a certain way that reflects my identity and sexuality. I don’t pretend that this doesn’t exist – I’m working to use what people will generalize about me to my advantage and hopefully see me as collected, thoughtful, etc. It’s an essential component of style.