Ask A Woman: Should a man stray from the standard necktie?
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Hey Beth,
I’ve got 2 separate questions for you.
1) Any thoughts on alternative neckwear? I wear a suit, shirt, and tie to work 6 days/week, so I like mixing it up a bit. To work I’ll sport the occasional bowtie, and to go out I have a nice red silk ascot. Bit dandy-ish, I’ll admit, but IMO it’s a fun way to mix up the same ol’ same ol’ we’re used to.
2) If you live in the NYC metropolitan area or ever come around on vacation, will you marry me? No? Then maybe we can start small, and I can take you out one night? You seem like a fun date. Very truly yours,
Richard
Hi Richard,
A marriage proposal from a man who wears an ascot? How can I refuse? Generally speaking, I like alternative neckwear. Initially I tried to fit both bow ties and ascots into a single column. FAIL. Neck wear is a heady topic, and there is simply too much to discuss. So this will be a two-parter, Rich. Can I call you Rich?
First we tackle bow ties. Wearing a bow tie (or an ascot, for that matter) requires two essential components, as is the case with most fashion risks: 1) opportunity and 2) cojones. For the former, I think you’re making the right choice–wearing the occasional bow tie for a day to catch a break from the traditional necktie. You do run the risk of looking perhaps a bit nerdy, a bit foppish. But it’s an intentional look so it works.
Men don’t have as many options for variety in dress clothing as women do, so I say mix it up however you can. A short list of some bold men who embrace the bow tie: Brad Goreski (stylist & reality TV darling), Andre 3000, Swiss Beatz, and Indiana Jones (what? he’s not a real person?). You’ll notice that but for Mr. Jones, the choices in bow tie and then accompanying shirt/jacket patterns/colors are all bold and bright. I don’t know how much flexibility you have in your work place with crazy colors, but it seems like wearing a bow tie sort of gives you permission to be zany. Like if you’re going to go for it, go for it. If you do want something more restrained, I love this look–burgundy and gray are such a great color combination.
Zany. You run the risk of looking it.
Other considerations? Pay attention to the size of the bow. Too big and it looks like a costume piece. Shape is important, too. Here Matthew Broderick looks like a weinie because the loops of the tie are too wide (tall?) for his non-existent neck. This is a much denser shape, plus the material and construction are very modern–probably my favorite bow tie look I’ve come across. There are several choices for material–the traditional silk (my favorite), velvet (which strikes me as dated) and even crochet (another look I’m not a huge fan of). Finally, for instructions on how to tie a bow tie, see this clip or this diagram.
Considering you proposed to some crazy virtual chic from the Internets, I think you’re set for the second requirement needed to pull off a bow tie, but a couple pearls for wisdom for you anyway. It’s fine, of course, for you to love your bow ties. But you need to be prepared for other people to go, “whoa, hey, that guy is wearing a bow tie and he’s not my grandpa’s age”. In other words, not everyone will embrace your commitment to atypical neck embellishment. Here’s an example from my life. I wear mostly skirts and dresses, and with these items, I like to wear a variety of different colored/textured hosiery. The other day, someone told me I looked like a smurf. I looked down at my bright blue tights, and it did give me pause for a moment. But I also thought, well, what the hell did I expect? I still like those tights; I’ll still wear them again; that experience just reinforces for me that style should mostly be about me, not about the reactions I might get from other people.
Next week–ascots.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Enjoyable post als always Beth. One thing I’ve noticed is that (at least in my workplace) people who wear bowties come off as trying to hard. Now this could be due to some bias on my part or lack of confidence on theirs, but just an observation.
“The other day,someone told me I looked like a Smurf …….”Yeah,Sexy Smurf….
Great post, Beth!
Every guy should try out a bow tie….after you do, you’ll know if you are the type of guy who is meant to wear one (the exception to this is black tie, for which every man needs to wear a bow tie). I wear bow ties a good bit, and have rarely gotten anything but compliments. I would say three pieces of advice: 1)It is a lot easier to wear a bow tie with a sport coat than a suit (aside from black tie, a bow tie is less formal than a neck tie), 2) bow tie size is best decided in proportion to one’s head…large head, fatter butterfly, 3) NEVER buy a pre-tied bow tie…ever…imperfection is part of the charm.
I wear bow ties, and in fact prefer them to long ties. How you wear it is equally important, because it’s a matter of how does it fit in with your outfit as a whole. If you wear one with a patterned shirt, v-neck sweater, and skinny jeans, it absolutely looks like a gimmick – as opposed to if you wear one with a crisp white linen shirt, navy blazer, and pressed chinos.
I, too, wear the bow tie to mix it up. I typically get nothing but compliments, but I had one strong negative reaction from a Board member that I report to for work. He said he doesn’t trust people in bow ties because narcissistic people wear them to be different from everyone else. It caught me off guard. I tried to reassure him that was not the case with me. I also said that draping any piece of silk (or other material) around your neck is a bit foppish to begin with so there isn’t much difference between a regurlar tie and a bow tie. Needless to say I no longer wear bow ties on days that I interact with him.
I agree, definitely wouldn’t work in my office. That being said, it’s super conservative — so much that skinny (not pencil, just thin) ties are out.
I have bowties, but keep them for when I wear formal attire. I do have more than your basic black, but depends on the occasion what gets worn.
I never understood why grown men ever think pre-tied bow ties were a good idea. It’s the same thing as a clip-on necktie — leave them behind after you’re old enough to know the difference.
Love this site because it (writers and readership) understands the merits of cultivating personal style. I’m a recent bow tie convert after years of eye-rolling. Once I took the chance, I discovered they DO work for me, and I toss ’em in now and then to break things up. It doesn’t hurt that the missus loves ’em, either, but a confident man shouldn’t dress to suit the tastes of others (e.g. the board member above … that guy’s biases are HIS problem). If they work for you after your try ’em, rock ’em out and own them.
It is pretty amusing to me that people (mostly those north of the Mason-Dixon) consider bow ties the domain of hipsters and rappers. Please.
I’d love to try out bow ties, but I have little enough occasions to wear regular ties as it is. My office is pretty casual, so I still get a little bit of teasing wearing a regular tie just once a week, even after doing it for a while now.
Generally, I approve, though. Bow ties are dope.
Where can I get that bowtie!? The grey and gold one.
I love my bow ties and if you shop right you can often get them fairly cheap. I picked up some nice looking ones at Macy’s and Dillards. I also have a couple pricey custom made ones from a company in Colorado Springs.
To me, bow ties are like hats – you really have to be a certain kind of guy and already have cultivated a certain kind of image before you can wear one without looking pretentious or d-baggy.
Agreed. I work in a conservative profession and you either wear a traditional tie/jacket or just a dress shirt. Anything else and you get death stares from the older partners
I have also found many nice bow ties on the cheap. If I am looking for something specific, I order from here: http://thecordialchurchman.com/
I think geographical location is an important factor too. Here in the SF Bay Area, it could come off as “hipster,” or in my view – a fate worse than death.
Richard, rock the Bow-Tie and be confident with it. I work in government, where the norm is to wear a regular tie (which I often do) but on occasions where I want to mix it up a bit, I’ll go with the bow. I am far younger than than the Dept.-Heads, Directors and doctors I work with but surprisingly have noticed that when I’m wearing the bow tie I am referred to and greeted as sir more often than when I am wearing a traditional neck tie. Gentleman notice it and appreciate the look and the ladies love it too, often stopping me to chat about my choice in neck-wear.
No! Don’t let them lay claim to it. As a well-dressed man, you have a duty to protect classic style from ironic co-option. I demand you sport one on Monday, and twice a month ever after. Fight the fight!
Can confirm: chicks dig it.
This rule works 99% of the time for bowties (and pocket watches):
If you’re younger than retirement age – No
If you’re older than retirement age – Yes
Most (and I stress most) younger guys trying to pull these things off just end up looking like asshole.
They’re “in style” right now and some people are embracing them and look good. I personally dislike them and wouldn’t wear one unless its on a tux which I’ve personally seen looks good. Bow tie just yells out formal for me.
But there’s also people who look terrible wearing them. And you could also do those math equation Beth loves to do. I personally think guys should avoid bow ties if:
1) They were ever called “dweebs” in grade school.
2) They’re overweight.
3) Wear plastic frames.(unless you rock a sweet beard like dude above)
I wear a bow tie from time to time and Beth was right on both counts: the occasion is key (overuse the look or wear it out to the bar on the weekend and it does say “old”), and you have to know going in that you’ll get the “what are you, 80?” at least once. I also think the bow tie should be the focal point. Unless everything else is subtle, it WILL look like you’re trying too hard. But my experience is that reactions are 99% positive.
Secondly, pre-tied bow ties are for boys to wear when they’re ringbearer at a wedding or their mom dresses them for the precocious look in school photos. Never pre-tied for an adult. That being said, I’m sad to say that I’m 99.99% positive that the bow tie Beth mentioned as her favorite (https://trendycrew.s3.amazonaws.com/paris-fwaw2009-bow-tie.jpg) is of the pre-tied variety. I don’t see any tails, just loops, and the loops don’t cross quite right at the knot. Bummer. Figures though, since he’s also wearing frames with no lenses. Great look if it was all legit.Finally, http://www.thetiebar.com – I love that site. $15 for great quality ties. Their “normal” width are actually fairly large though, FYI. http://www.beauties.com is also good, almost exclusively bow ties, but pricier.
Yeah, wrong link in previous comment for Beau Ties. Don’t click that one. This one is correct. I am now very embarrassed.
http://www.beautiesltd.com/
Or, just live in the South. Bow-ties are not as common as regular straights, but there are usually several people wearing them at any function.
I loled.
Bow ties MUST be tied, not clip on. They must NOT be perfect. As to size, that depends on the guy wearing them, what’s huge on one is OK on another. I like them because they are never flopping over to one side or blowing in the breeze the way long ties do.
Interesting, I chose today of all days to wear a bowtie to court. It was just a plea hearing, but the clerks thought it was for a jury trial, and all said I looked nice. I’m all for breaking out the bowtie ever now and again, just to off set the stern always wearing a tie look. It took 15 minutes this morning to get on right, but I think it was well worth it.
I’ve actually been wearing bow ties with jeans lately at work (I work with PC’s so I have a little bit of a pass, though not much). It’s hard to know how to wear them without looking too formal. What I’m really trying to go for is a slightly nerdy business casual-ish look. I’ve gotten striped bow ties from JCPenny, they are polyester, but they are self tied, so I’m hoping that gives me points 😉 I’m looking into wool bow ties also, they seem to be more “in” from what I’m reading, but of course no stores sell them in my area so I’m forced to look online an hope that if I purchase that the picture did it justice.
Just curious if it’s better to ease into bow tie wearing on Fridays and call it bow-tie friday for fun 😉
Too timid. Just wear the f*cker. Anybody asks why you’re wearing a bowtie, say, “because I like the way it looks.”
Yeah I buy mine at http://www.thetiebar.com, http://www.beautiesltd.com, and Nordstroms. All the ties at the tie bar are $15 too!
I’m not a bow tie guy. Don’t have one, don’t want one. I like standard neckties.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX5jNnDMfxA
So you’re telling Rich there’s a chance, yeah!!
this would be all the more reason for wearing something out of the norm to me lol
I’m surprised no one else caught the most glaring error in this post: it’s Dr. Jones!
To me, a bow tie is either for a more casual feeling (for example, I wear them to Ole Miss football games) and for the extremely formal. I tend to wear regular neckties for more professional atmospheres.