Twenty Rules for Summer Hats

Hat season is back for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere.  Before long it’ll be the dead of summer.  And even if you hate wearing a hat, spending all day outside in the sun without one is inadvisable.  Especially if you’re fair skinned.  Like all “rules,” these aren’t unbreakable.  They’re more suggestions and guidelines.  Except for #14.

1. Half the battle is being confident that you look great in a hat.
2. If you’re not, you won’t.
3. For every year above the age of 35, you’ll look exponentially better in hats.
4. For every hat size above 7 1/2, you’ll look exponentially worse in hats.
5. If your head is big, those dual size L/XL hats won’t fit

6. The easiest hat to wear is still the ballcap.  Ultra casual only.  Consider the Cooperstown collection “Franchise”.
7. If you have no sports affiliation, logos can sometimes work.  Just keep it subtle.
8. Trilby = easier to wear than the shorter, flatter pork pie.
9. This Original Penguin option is more or less on the right track.  Maybe.
10. But then there’s also the The Classic Panama.

11. Driving caps look good on approximately 8% of the population
12. Floppy Bucket Hats – No.
13. Straw Cowboy Hats – No.  Unless you know how to drive a tractor or your name is Kenny Chesney.
14. Hats with Ears – Quintuple no.  The hell is wrong with people.
15. Well proportioned straw hats with a chambray band – Sure

16. You wear the hat.  It does not sit perched on your head like a parakeet.
17. A white hat can work, but if you’re wearing more white than that, be ready to give tours of Jurassic Park
18. If your hat says “Cocks” or “Morehead” you better have a diploma from one of those schools.
19. Y’know they do make scalp sunscreen.
20. When in doubt, don’t.
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