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Not to get too personal, but, boxers or briefs? Specifically: boxers, briefs, or tighty whiteys? I’ve always worn white briefs. But I keep hearing that women see them as granny panties for guys.
Do women even care about a man’s choice in underwear?
Well your email lit off an explosion of conversation, debate, and even math. You mention boxers, briefs, and tighty whiteys, but since tighty whiteys are briefs, I wondered if you meant boxer briefs. Our fearless Dappered leader tried to explain it to me by referencing the ACTs and making the analogy that all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares. I had a flashback to staying up late the night before all of my standardized testings and doing productive things like playing hacky sack (an unfortunate reference in a column about underwear, yes?) and eating a whole package of Oreos, instead of reviewing flashcards.
Yes, women care about men’s underwear. Because I’m tired of saying things like, “Women’s preferences in physical attributes/hair line/underwear are as diverse as women themselves,” I did a survey of all my best gals, so that I could bring you the most accurate, most authoritative information possible. Unfortunately, there was no such authoritative answer. My lovely ladies were split half and half, boxer brief and boxers. I regret to inform you that no one picked the humble brief. (Though not entirely relevant, I must report my favorite response, from S.R.: “Real answer: boxers; funny answer: neon cup.”)
This is why we like boxer briefs: they’re tight, so they shows off the goods, but they’re a bit of a graduation from the briefs. Plus, the boxer brief emphasizes the thighs in a way that boxers, with their free-wheelin’ and dealin’, neglect. It is a special joy of women everywhere to see a tight garment hugging the muscular quads and hamstrings of a man.
This is why we like boxers: they’re casual and manly. The sight of a man in boxers makes women think about seventh grade, when we noticed for the first time a guy’s boxers sticking out from the top of their jeans, and we thought to ourselves, Yessss, I like this development. Boxers are also forgiving if you have chicken legs or doughy thighs.
Finally, a word about briefs, since these are your preference, James. Nothing wrong with briefs, and they can be sexy; after all, they’re form fitting, which is part of what we like about boxer briefs. But they can also hearken back to childhood if you’re not careful. If you go with briefs, choose a flattering cut (nothing too high or too low on the thigh), and a solid color. Wearing tighty whiteys will make people wonder if your mother sent them to you in a care package.
To close, I’d like to leave you with this new vocabulary word: manties. As in, male panties. You’re welcome.
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