Ask A Woman: Is a suit & no tie date appropriate?
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Hi Beth:
They say every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man. So a well tailored suit is going to be a must. But what about wearing the suit without a tie? From the woman’s point of view, does it look cool? Or… unfinished and sloppy? I’ve got a cocktail date with a young lady coming up at a pretty nice place. Just trying to decide what to wear.
Thanks for all the great columns!
– Ryan
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Hi Ryan,
Flattery will get you everywhere. Wear whatever you want.
-Beth
Just kidding. Our fearless Dappered leader and my hordes of adoring fans would never let me get away with that. I love the suit-without-a-tie look. Especially for a date. It show you’ve put effort into your attire, and that you care about how you present yourself, but it stops short of being seriously formal. Sometimes a suit-with-a-tie for a date runs the risk of making you look like you’re 14 and your parents are driving you and your Homecoming date to Applebee’s.
Each passing decade in this country seems to get more and more casual, sometimes to good effect (casual Fridays), sometimes to hideous effect (can someone tell me why people wear pajama bottoms out in public?). Weddings, funerals, job interviews, court–the suit and tie seems to be relegated to these specific occasions. Now, I’m not saying don’t wear a tie with your suit if you feel the occasion calls for it. But don’t fear a suit without a tie; see some of these great examples:
It’s clean, modern, and sharp. I think there’s something a little…suggestive about it, too. I see a man in a suit without a tie and I casually wonder if he has just come from a wild tryst where he had to dress in a hurry and fly out the door because he was late and thus couldn’t be bothered to put his tie back on. I know what you’ve been up to, sir…and I like it. Wink, wink.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Agree. A dress shirt that’s simply unbuttoned without a tie leans really casual; if that’s the desired effect, go for it. But if you want a more polished look then the other options you show are good.
Going to play the devils advocate and warn against a full matching suit sans necktie. Especially for a date situation. It’s too slick looking because first off it suggests that you’re “too cool” it shows you put too much thought into your appearance. You are not Clooney or Depp, which believe it or not is a good thing (leave the black shirts to cheeseballs on red carpets and the wait staff, please) Going so far as wearing a suit but then stopping at the part that really adds individualism, the tie, alerts others, and your date, that you made a very deliberate decision and thus you are trying too hard when it comes to your appearance. Above all things you want to appear as though your style comes effortless. Say it out loud. Effortless.
@Anotherjames, I disagree. Wearing a suit without a tie doesn’t make it seem as though you’re “trying too hard” or that you’re “too cool”.
It’s a relaxed look. I think the guy, not the tie is really the important thing.
It is all how you wear it.
A lot of times it comes down to fabric too. The heavier stuff will look more casual while a sheen will look more formal. Also what kind of shirt and shoes you pair it with. Dressing things down is how I get away with nice blazers and shoes at work without looking over the top.
I have to agree with Matt and disagree with Anotherjames here as well, personally. I don’t think not putting on a tie is trying too hard at all. To me it’s a definite step down from the full suit with tie, but a huge step up from cardigan and nice dress shirt. As much as I agree that looking like you’re ‘trying too hard’ is undesirable, I think this term has been bandied about so much that people are overthinking it all now. No tie=less formal to me. But in a good way, should the situation warrant it. I don’t think I would personally ever wear a full suit with tie on a (by the sounds of it first) date. You really don’t want to out-dress your lady on day one. She won’t thank you for it. Suit without a tie is a good way to scale it back a bit, and look like you actually aren’t just about to step into a meeting. Just my view.
Cheers,
Ben
Ryan didn’t do his proper reconnoissance work for his date. He knows he’s going for a cocktail date and I’m assuming he knows where. All he has to do is check the place out one night before his date and see if it’s a necktie kind of place.
Sorry Anotherjames, I have to disagree too. I don’t think taking off your tie comes off as “trying too hard,” If anything wearign a tie is more likely to give that impression *depending on the venue and spirit of the occassion. If you are going someplace where you are expected to wear a tie, then wear one. But if it is a casual date, you want to look comfortable but not sloppy. You should look as if you are making an effort to look nice, but not give the impression that you are interviewing the lady for an open position (hee hee).
I think it all comes down to personal style. If you wear a tie all the time, like Barney Stimpson from “How I Met Your Mother”, then don’t feel pressured to take it off. If you don’t favor the tie, don’t put it on.
Personally, I tend to relax more formal clothes and sharpen casual clothes. I’ll wear the suit without a tie, but I’ll put the tie on with a sport coat and jeans. Works for me.
I have more of a concern about wearing a necktie with just jeans and a casual collared shirt or even a vest like you see with BR models online…I see that as trying to hard…”so you’re willing to dress up your neck, but not your pants?”
If you’re movie star handsome, no problem. Otherwise . . .
Wow…you guys are just waaaaay overthinking it. I agree 100% with ben: regardless of circumstance, without tie is less formal than with tie. That being said, you’ll want to consider a few things before choosing what you wear:
1) The girl
2) Where you’re going
3) You’re personal style
If the girl your going out with is more casual, I don’t care if you’re going to cocktails at a fancy restaurant and you LOVE wearing a suit and tie. Don’t do it. In fact, wearing a suit without a tie may be too formal. Remember: the point of this is to get the girl NOT to look what you think is awesome. You make think you’ll be looking awesome, but you’ll look like a jackass if the girl is wearing jeans and you’re rocking a full suit and tie.
Wear it with a pocket square instead of a tie and you’ll be on autopilot to date success as most men either forget or don’t know how to use one
Ok I’ll meet you in the middle. Is the suit all cotton? Then sure, don’t wear a tie. Otherwise, if you plan to wear a matching suit, that is, where the pants and jacket are of both the same fabric and pattern, you will look at best too cool and at worst sloppy without a tie. It’s tending toward an idea of a look while being noncommittal. Save the no tie suit look for the final song at the wedding reception. Don’t start the night off with telling your date “I just left the office and I need a drink”. If no tie, then break it up with a dark jacket and some cotton pants or dark jeans.