Ask A Woman: When is it time to dress a little older?
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Hey Beth:
What advice do you have about dressing older or younger than a person’s actual age? Are there “rules”? I guess the most obvious thing is when old guys look like they are trying to be 20, which is pathetic, but what’s the line between that and being fashionable? When do young guys know it’s time to dress a little “older” and what does that mean? Do you have any examples?
– Loki
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Hi Loki,
Fantastic question. I’m quite interested in this topic of dressing age appropriately. Recently I bought a stylish, fabulous, well-made bag that I snagged for 65% off (I LOVE a deal). Someone in my life told me that it looked like something a “cougar” would buy. I like to think I have an independent sense of style, but it bothered me to hear that term, not just because it’s sexist and obnoxious, but because it denotes AGE, right? It’s difficult to remain unscathed when American pop culture tells you that youth is preferable, beautiful, and always on the cusp of leaving you. So now I have a great bag that I fear would look better on someone twice my age.
I have my own ideas and opinions about how to gauge whether your attire is “appropriate” to your age, but before we tackle that in a future column, let’s talk about this idea that your age should determine what you wear. The rules tend to be more rigid for women than men, but here’s a short, very incomplete list of items that are usually relegated to the younger male crowd: leather pants; t-shirts with logos, sayings, excessive adornments of any kind; baseball hats (as part of everyday wear); knit caps (yes, I think Brad Pitt looks ridiculous in that thing), etc.
As we age, we are expected to dress in simpler, more modest clothing. There’s less risk-taking and trendy details on clothing made for the older set. Hemlines on skirts and dresses for women go down; fit for men becomes looser. Aging and being stylish is *not* an oxymoron; many of the styles out there are sleek and sophisticated. But it does seem like there are less options.
If you look at the wide range of style gurus out there–columnists and TV personalities alike–the opinions are varied. Some people say that dressing for your age is very important. Some say they don’t understand this concept of dressing for your age; you should be able to wear whatever you like and feel comfortable in. What do you think?
I’d really like to hear from all our readers out there, across the broad spectrum of ages. I know Dappered probably skews to the younger side of, say, 40, but I do believe fashion and style are for everyone, so let’s hear what you think on this issue of dressing for your age. There’s a lot to cover, so we’ll turn this into a multi-part series.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
As a 20 year old guy, there’s some things I’m actually waiting to get older to wear (at least on a regular basis). This mostly pertains to hats such as fedoras, etc, as I feel like at my age it’d come off as nerdy, or even worse, hipster-y.
Interesting post. If part of dressing stylishly means appearing employable and hygienic so that no matter where you are you could score a job or a date, then dressing “older” means appearing as though you’ve already scored the two long ago.
Im 29 and tend to dress for the occasion. The gym, co-ed fun sports, pick-up basketball games, or watching a game at a friends house, i’ll wear one of my older logo t-shirts from my streetwear brand days.
Dinner with family, my girlfriend (or dates), i’ll throw on a blazer over a button down.
Running around town doing errands ill wear whatever I feel like wearing… t-shirt, hoody, flannel, button down, etc.
I’m a pretty big Detroit Tigers fan, so as far back as I can remember, i’ve always worn a “D” hat (My mom has a baby picture of me with one on!) If im doing something casual, you’ll find me in a New Era “D” hat more times than you wont.
As for pants? Unless im doing something formal, I have three pairs of Levi’s (501’s and 505) that I use in rotation.
Shoes… I pretty much wear Redwing Irish setters, Johnston and Murphy’s, and my beloved Van’s Hi’s.
Honestly, I think fitness and energy matter more than age. If you are 50 and have the shape and face to wear slim jeans with an oxford shirt and tie, then do it. If you are more relaxed/less energetic, then that may not look right. Either way, I think age in and of itself isn’t a big part of the equation. Lifestyle changes and body changes are the real issue.
I’m 23. I don’t really think in terms of age when I’m deciding what to wear. Every week day I’m in a suit and tie for work. My clothes are tailored and fit me well, so that might make it youthful.
I also go to graduate school at night where I’m around a lot of people both older and slightly younger than myself. I don’t change beforehand so in that context I’m always dressed a little inappropriately since everyone else is in jeans.
There are definitely times when guys should avoid certain outfits, but I don’t think the decision is as simple as “is this too young for me?” The question should be “do I look silly in this?” or “is this inappropriate?”
I’m in a similar boat. 27 and in a suit and tie in a pretty conservative office. I have definitely picked up on the fact that I’m a bit more daring, fashionwise than my older coworkers. The uniform of dark suits and white shirts, occassionally spiced up with a power tie makes it easier for a younger(ish) guy like myself to stand out and still look polished. Subtle use of color/pattern in a shirt and tie along with a shade lighter suit keep me from blending in too much.
I will say that I have no intentions of fading into the old man look of pleated pants and polo sweaters. You won’t catch me in skinny jeans but I plan on being one sharply dressed 80 year old.
I’m nearly 33, and I’ve realised your early 30’s can easily be a trap of style mediocrity. Fortunately I feel like its a trap I’ve recently avoided, and now feel better dressed now than ever before. Breaking away from your 20’s can be an opportunity to choose to dress with more style.
It helps that I’ve a bit more money than in my twenties and that I’m in OK shape at the moment, but generally its about having a wardrobe that is tailored specifically to the activities that you do, and choosing the right shops not to bother with any more. Buying quality but otherwise modest clothing from respected brands goes a long way to pulling off an appearance of effortless style.
I’m turning 35 tomorrow and for the last few years I have really started to think about my personal style. I live in Maine where “casual” tends to creep into everything we wear just to deal with the elements and the active lifestyle. I wear a shirt and tie to work and since I work at a college lean toward the oxford and chinos or nice cords look which I think makes me look older but just because most of the older men I work with dress the same way. I think it’s all about your personality and the setting. I’ve never been a leather pants and hip logo t-shirt guy but I have been able to find pieces for my wardrobe, especially for work, that are appropriate to the setting but still allow me to be an individual. As for my casual wear you can beat a LL Bean flannel and some jeans (winter) or chino shorts and a polo (summer). The difference between is in the details like fit and color that I think really determine if you look like someone trying to look young or someone who has given up on trying to look good.
I’m a 41, and this is a topic I’m increasingly thinking about as I’m buy clothes. My challenge is that I have a small/slim body frame (5’6″, 125#). Finding the right fit means I’m inevitably having to shop shop brands that, by design, are trying to appeal to the younger set. JCrew tends to work for me fine. But take the Ralph Lauren lines another example. As a general rule, I find them to be ginormous with one exception — Rugby. They’re smalls are really small, and they even carry extra small sizes that I even sometimes can’t get into. I never buy anything with logos or names showing, but even “regular” garments (such as a cardigan sweater with a university stripe around the arm of one sleeve) can have a collegiate look to them. So to me, therein lies a perfect example. Am I too old for that? Possibly. But I’m wearing such a Rugby cardigan right now, I think it looks fine, and I like the fit and even the unique styling that little stripe on the arm band brings. So what’s a style-conscious 41 year old male, who likes the nouveau prep look anyway, supposed to do?
To: S Safari
RE: Body Type/Build & Clothes
I have a similar build and therefore dilemma as you do when it comes to fit and style. On a recent trip to King of Prussia, I tried to find trousers that would work for being dressed from relaxed to business casual because I am trying to start a LLC and want to look professional but not overly stuffed (I really find suites to be too warm and impractical to a North American climate; they work fine where they originated, in Europe.) . I found that Haggar has nice trousers, but I am too thin and short to find items of Haggar to buy in the store. The employees told me to look on-line for trousers, but I found that there too, it was difficult to find the appropriate sizes for me. I know where you are coming from in your style needs. There is a blog called “Short Shrifted”, which is done by a guy who is in our boat when it comes to body build. I find this blog really helpful, as the guy who does it gets interviews with designers, and discusses brands which work for all kinds of short people in many kinds of style situations.
A brand which has worked for me as regards shirts is Express. Stylish yet down to earth is how I would describe them. Armani Exchange has some nice clothing too if you have a larger budget. American Eagle is another brand, with which one can find a smaller fit in the shirts. What “Short Shrifted” points out is that being able to find “small” and “extra small” shirt sizes is difficult, but is worth searching for if one is a shorter man. I bought two shirts at Express Men in King of Prussia in 2010 on clearance for around $19 each. They are button-down collared shirts. One is red with black pin-striping and the other is white with forest green, burgundy, and red stripes that are stylishly wide and vertical. I kill in both of these shirts. If you are short, the challenges of fashion are larger than for a mid-sized guy or a guy on the taller side. For example, notice that guys like us are required to go to the “fitted” or boys areas of the store, whereas there is a “Big and Tall” section in most stores that is easily found. I guess we need more Asian or Latin styles to get around this problem.
Fit of clothing comes close to being king for shorter guys. For example, my neck size is about a 13 1/2 or 14 depending on the tailoring of the shirt. Also, the sleeve length of the shirt is variable, so make sure it fits well in the sleeves before buying it. It can be a little strange to walk into a men’s department and ask to try on a shirt that is a standard-package fit, but unless we demand service (being polite of course while doing so, i.e. do not be pushy) the fashion industry will not listen to short slim men. We are the healthier guys out there for our build, why are slim short men ignored in the U.S. so much these days?
Pattern and decoration can be the prince, if fit is king, for shorter guys. Vertical striping that is not too wide is one of your best friends in clothing. It can accentuate your slimness without making you appear anorexic/bulimic while simultaneously giving you a little bit more height without being obvious about adding height. Also, decorative elements higher up on a shirt can help to bring people “up” when looking at you because these elements can help direct attention to the face rather than the navel.
One issue I am surprised that the writer did not mention very much if at all, is matching and using one’s skin tone, hair and eyes in order to get around issues of age. Be careful, sometimes whites are too white and “baby” colours may not work too well. Brown is actually an acceptable color to use. Black my not work for your skin tone, and brown is an excellent alternative to black in order to match ones hair and eyes.
Being short in the U.S. is not a death knell to fashion, but it is certainly an impediment. That said, when we shorter guys hit the high street, we kill oftener than our taller peers. That means more looks from women. We always have to go the extra mile to look good, so if you do care about how you look, be prepared to be buffeted by slightly slovenly taller guys who are afraid of you taking their market share. Shorter guys can be trend-setters in this way. We can up-stage the taller guys who take their position for granted, by dressing with a quiet self-confidence that women and employers find appealing, attractive and sexy. Power to the short.
Same here, but that’s only because more mature clothes age me way too much. I already look about 3 years older than I am. Whenever I dress in simple dress shirts and khakis, I look like I’m 10 years older than I am. I try to dress young which makes me look at least 3 years younger than I am so it’s nice to take approx. 6 years off my age simply because of fashion choices I make.
I’m not all that old, but I tend to have zero energy and have been that way for many years now. I find I do the opposite and wear energetic looking clothes so I don’t look so tired or depressed.