Ask A Woman: What to buy her when you haven’t been dating long
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Hi Beth:
As I’m sure you’re well aware, the holidays are coming up. I’ve been divorced for a couple of years and while the dating scene has had its challenges, I’m currently involved with a gorgeous woman. I wasn’t dating anyone last Christmas, and I’m used to buying for a wife. Not a girlfriend of three months. Any gifts I should stay away from? I don’t want to scare her off with anything too serious. But I also don’t want to get her something boring either.
Mike
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Hi Mike,
Since your email is such a timely one, you skip right to the front of the email line. Good for you! But watch out at recess, because some of the guys you skipped are probably going to be looking to give you a face wash in the snow. Fair warning.
Okay, so what gift should you stay away from if you aren’t ready to get serious yet? Jewelry. Jewelry is a commitment gift. It’s expensive for the guy to buy, and if you two break up, she may not wear it ever again because it reminds her of you in the way that, say, a set of hand towels, will not.
So then there’s a lovely gold pendant tarnishing away in a velvet-lined box until 40 years from now when one of her grandkids asks her about it and she croaks, “That was Christmas of aught ten, when Mike the bastard–oops, Granny said a bad word. A quarter for the potty-mouth jar.” And then the grandkids are distracted by finding the potty-mouth jar so once again the pendant is forgotten. Is there anything sadder than neglected jewelry? Boo-hoo.
Instead, “experience gifts” are always a good bet–tickets to a concert or play, gift certificate to her favorite fancy restaurant, day at the spa. You can also get more personal with her specific interests or goals–golf lessons, glass-blowing classes, a ride in a hot air balloon. What about a wine-making or beer-brewing kit? A romantic overnight at a B&B? These kinds of gifts produce memories, and often you can do them together. I also think they’re an easier gift to give overall, since you know what your partner’s interests are better than you know whether they’ll like that random sweater in that specific fit, in that specific material, in that specific color, in that specific size.
Don’t agonize over it. If you put a bit of thought into it (no December 24 shopping), and get her something you truly believe suits her personality/tastes/interests, you’ll make the right choice.
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
I wonder about that romantic getaway at a B&B if he doesn’t want to signal commitment. Who’s going to be with her? Even if it’s for her alone, it’s an implied invitation.
Going on a B&B run seems to imply some commitment to me too, although everyone has their own pace for relationships.
A beer brewing kit? If she actually truly likes that gift go ahead and buy the engagement ring too.
@Loki and Stephen, I am going to disagree. While a romantic getaway to a B&B implies commitment, not the sort that jewelry does. He has dated this woman for 3 months so he is somewhat committed. You don’t want to seem like the person rushing ahead.
I would add wine and a dessert she loves. It is a simple gift that says, “I care, but I am not that creepy guy who is going to rush ahead to marriage 3 months in.”
If she likes scotch you are one lucky dude.
LOL @ Anotherjames !!!! Well played sir, well played indeed.
My rule of thumb has been to buy gifts that can be used quickly if the relationship is relatively new(like a spa gift certificate or items that could be used for an avid hobby or interest she has).
If/when the relationship progresses, I purchase gifts that can be thought to have more commitment/sentimental value (B&B getaway, jewelry, etc.
So far it has worked for me. Only got to jewelry twice in my life tho…lol.
@Anotherjames – couldn’t agree more!