Ask A Woman: What shoes are right for the bar?
If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com
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Beth,
When I saw in you mention that women pay particular attention to men’s shoes – which, admittedly I pay little attention to myself – I began wondering what’s acceptable and not for shoes at a bar. If it’s a pretty laid back bar, are regular tennis shoes like Adidas Sambas okay with jeans and a shirt? Or are nicer shoes such as deck shoes or loafers expected? I’m in my mid-20s, so I feel like there’s a grey area for expectations.
Thanks,
– Matt
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Hi Matt,
Shoes, glorious shoes! At some point in my early twenties, it dawned on me that shoes were as important as any other piece of my wardrobe. Until that point, I’d only worn either black or brown shoes, in a low heel, without considering the silhouette. After it occurred to me that shoes were an integral part of style, I became much more choosy and found a lot of joy in wearing shoes in a variety of styles and colors.
Back to Matt: If you are old enough to be in a bar, I have to say that I think ANY athletic shoes are a lame choice. (And let’s make a distinction between going to a sports bar on a Sunday afternoon with your friends to watch a football game–in which case tennies are fine–and going out on a Saturday night hoping to score with a tall, leggy lady–in which case you want to make a little extra effort, am I right?)
True tennis shoes, like Adidas, New Balance or Nike are for sightseeing, going to the gym, and helping your best friend move. When you go out for the evening, wear something else. Loafers, boat shoes
Finally, a word about “expectations,” which Matt wisely references. Think about why you dress the way you do. If you’re reading this column, this site, it’s because you care about what you put on your body, and what it says to others about who you are. Dressing well and carefully need not mean being uncomfortable, nor does it automatically label you as a self-centered douchebag. All it means is dressing for each occasion purposefully.
Sure, the other people at the bar may not blink if you wear athletic shoes, and they may not EXPECT you to wear nice leather shoes, but isn’t personal style so much more than just meeting the expectations of others?
-Beth
Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com
Here is a follow-up I have that may be geared more away from Beth. What is an all purpose going out shoe that is really comfortable for someone with back problems? I have a few pairs of casual shoes which are great if I am going out for an hour or two or if I am going to be seated most of the night. But if I am standing my back goes to hell. I would really prefer to avoid wearing old man orthopedic shoes.
Bar None,
I have a bad back and some foot-related issues, so standing isn’t very comfortable to me unless I’ve got the right shoe.
My go-to shoe is a pair of brown CK Oxfords. I think brown leather is much more attractive than black. They weren’t fun at first, but now they’re a bit broken in and they’re perfect for a night of standing–at least for me.
I have to agree. As Beth says, while we (as women) might not EXPECT anything more than tennis shoes, we are VERY pleasantly surprised by a man who puts some effort into his appearance. And, don’t be afraid to have a couple pairs of “nicer” shoes – we also tend to notice if you wear the same ones over and over and over. 😉 Like I said, we’re okay with all of that, but we’re impressed when you give us more.
Beth, good post, but doesn’t it depend on what kind of bar? I can think of some where you can’t SEE shoes, it’s so crowded. An old money bar, absolutely dress up, oxfords and wingtips.