The Mystery of the Maniform

The Uniform For The Over the Hill American Male

I had an epiphany recently. While picking up some dry cleaning, it came to my attention that almost all American men over the age of 50 wear basically the same thing when they aren’t dressed up for work, or dressed down for working around the house.

If they aren’t cutting the grass, or sitting in a cubicle, here’s what most guys are likely in: Pleated Khakis, an untucked button down hawaiian (or other printed patterned) shirt, and some kind of outdoorsy looking athletic shoes or sandals.

It is the maniform of the over the Hill American Male.

Now, one of the prime directives here at Dappered is to not be judgemental. If those fellows are comfortable in their own skin and clothes then by God good for them. No skin off my nose. I would only like to offer an alternative.

And I do this only because of my experience at the dry cleaner. Back to that story: The guy in front of me was a man, late 50s, great shape. Looked like an ex-cop. He was setting down his pile of shirts (all Hawaiian and camp shirts) and pants (all pleated khakis) to be cleaned. A little girl who was standing in line with her Mom behind me told the man that she liked his shirt. It was an untucked button down patterned number that had a bunch of fish on it. She told him that she liked the fish and his shirt. And the following exchange happened:

Man: “Well thank you young lady.”

Little Girl: “where’d you get it?”

Man: “I don’t know, my wife buys all my clothes for me.”

Oh Brother.

My Mom used to buy my clothes for me. My wife isn’t my Mom. And I wouldn’t want my wife to start doing the things my Mom felt like she had to do when I was a kid. Fair enough?

I also can’t understand why, if his wife buys his clothes for him, he’s wearing these clothes. I don’t think his wife is picking these out because she thinks they look particularly good on her husband. That’s just a hunch. I’m thinking she buys them because HE likes them. So here’s your wife, your lady, going out and buying the clothes YOU like FOR you. Again, my Mom used to go get my Scooby Doo Pajamas for me too. But that stopped a long time ago.

I now buy them on my own. With the footies thank you.

I’m kidding.  And no I don’t know where I saw those things.

So, fellas, here’s my suggestion. Maybe think about doing your own shopping.  If it makes your wife happy, okay then… but… you don’t even need to leave the house in this day and age. Just know what size you are (get a tape measure out of the basement) and you can do it from your computer.

If you’re over the age of 50, stick with the maniform if it’s your style.

But if you’d like some alternative suggestions to the hawaiian shirt / pleated khaki / cross trainer hiker sandal sneaker look, well, then stay tuned. They’re a comin’..