The Taboo Star’s new Tat, Oven Push-ups, and Rosemary’s shoulders must be Cold

A CHAMBER OF SECRETS KIND OF CHRISTMAS:

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WAIT, WHAT? Why am I instantly suspicious about this. Is this fake news? Because, this seems  like it came out of nowhere. And it seems like it might actually be a good thing. So, doubly suspicious.

D’OH! Tom Hardy lost a bet. And he will never be able to forget it.

YOU CAN’T FORCE IT: Not all innovation is good. This is a rather opinionated but revealing piece about some bad ideas that came out of media in the last ten years.

DOSSIER FOLLOW UP: I love that this has gone from a joke to a possible reality, and that plans are being made. Never underestimate the awesome power of fully operational sports fans.

PERSPECTIVE:

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THIS IS WHY WE’RE FAT: We’re not even trying.

QUESTION: What happens if someone dies because of this? Who is liable? Do I think that it’s going to happen? No. Do I wonder how this got past the folks in risk assessment? Uh, yeah. Or does this fall under one of the fine print things nobody ever reads?

PULLING OUR STRINGS! The science behind the lure of blue light specials. (Blue light specials is a woefully out-of-date pop culture big-box retail reference that means pretty much nothing to anyone reading this. So, good job there dumbass.)

AS WE SPEAK…I am trying to figure out a Venn diagram that can best represent this.

BEFORE THE BOUNCE:

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MEANWHILE…Oregon keeps on being Oregon. This is a good thing. (Editor’s Note: When the birds decide that yes, they too, shall put a bird on it.) Much in the same way as this.

I CALL BALONEY: This headline should read something about today’s teens being ginormous fibbers. Because, c’mon. Of course, I could be the lunch meat king for all I know.

BOOM BOOM SOON? If this mountain is rocking…

SPORTY SANTA:

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SPEAKING OF THE FAT DUDE IN THE RED SUIT: He’s going to have to lose a few Santas if this is what’s happening with his Christmas Eve ride.

OOPS! A parade of unfortunate occurrences in three parts.

• Part One: Hey Alanis, now this is ironic.
• Part Two: Uh, awkward.
• Part Three: When butt dialing goes hilariously wrong.

CONSEQUENCES: More of this please. Because for feck’s sake, who does this?

ROSEMARY SPARKLES:

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Editor’s Note II: “Mr. Bones” approves of that dress!

PLANS ARE IMPORTANT: Plans. And physics.

THAT SOUND THAT YOU HEAR…is the breaks being slammed on our time at the top. I know, I know. I’ve told myself a million times to ix-nay with the hyperbole, but I can’t seem to quit the stuff.

IS IT ME…or is this kind of creepy in a “Minority Report” meets “Gataca” kind of deal? It’s not just me, right? Editor’s Note III: It’s not just you. That’s creepy as hell. Self fulfilling prophecies anyone?

INCOMING! This is the Baywatch trailer. It is exactly what you expect. So, yeah, NSFW. But we do get the requisite Rock one-liners.

Tim Johnstone is Dappered’s music correspondent as well as our resident gatherer of all things interwebs related. He doesn’t really hate people. Mostly.