If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

Hello Beth

I met a lady at a bar one evening.  We hit it off right away and even exchanged a few kisses.  I asked for her email and she jokingly said “Here, you can even Facebook stalk me.”  I email her the following morning saying how it was a pleasure meeting her and that I’d like to “keep in touch”.  Then I follow up and send her a friend request on Facebook.

It’s been about a week now and I have not heard from her.  I was just wondering, did I break that 3-day rule of contacting her?  I thought that rule was non-sense?  Anyway, I would love your insight on this topic and I would also appreciate any advice as to what I can/should do next without being all stalker-ish.

- Justin

Hi Justin,

This situation sounds embarrassingly familiar…echoes of my misspent youth, sigh.  There are a couple possibilities that might explain what happened.  Here’s the first.  You mentioned that you met lady at a bar, you hit it off with lady, you and lady kissed, then lady ignores you for the next week.  My guess?  Lady was drunk.  Maybe she seemed fine, maybe she only had a couple drinks, but I would bet my favorite pair of red heels that she was, in fact, wasty.  The next day she woke up with a dry mouth and a slamming head, recalled meeting a nice man with whom she flirted shamelessly, remembered making out in public, and thought, not again.  Just kidding.  Actually, she probably felt like an idiot for being so forward, or maybe her friends gave her grief about kissing a stranger, or perhaps she even has a boyfriend already and your interlude was an alcohol-induced indiscretion.  So when she saw your email and Facebook friend request, they were reminders of what she perceived to be her bad behavior, and she ignored both, pledging to reform her boozin’, free lovin’ ways.

How “relaxed” was she?

Let me explain why I think alcohol is a factor here.  Women–despite how crazy, flaky, and fickle some men believe they are–do not go from having a pleasant evening to deciding they never want to speak to you again by the next morning.  Doesn’t happen.  Some event must come to pass in between to make them change their mind about you.  Assuming you didn’t leave out the part in the story where you follow her home, knock on her bedroom window, and then expose yourself when she lifts the shade, the other explanation, besides inebriation, is that your perception of the evening was far different from hers.  Maybe you thought it was lively conversation but she was merely humoring you; maybe you thought the kissing was full of chemical sparks but she felt nothing.  But, at that point, she shouldn’t have given you her email address, and her joke about Facebook stalking seems out of place (if she really didn’t want you to contact her, why put the idea of Facebook in your head at all?).  So I still think it more likely that she was drunk.

I don’t think it was wrong at all to contact her the next day.  Contacting her by two methods–email and Facebook–was probably overkill, but then again, she welcomed both by giving you her email address and mentioning Facebook.  As I’ve mentioned here before, “rules” about dating, like you should wait 3 days before contacting a woman, are extraordinarily archaic.  And LAME . Think how much simpler life would be if people who were romantically involved said what they meant and acted upon what they said.  If you like someone, you ask them out.  If you still like them, you call them again.  And if you don’t, you tell them immediately, and gently.  I hate, hate, hate this idea that the way to love or sex or a committed relationship or a fun fling or whatever it is that you want, has to be cloaked in games and mystery.

Advice from any guy who calls you “baby” is worth a 2nd opinion.

All of this is to say, Justin, you did nothing wrong.  I think it’s great that you met a fabulous woman, had a fun time with her, kissed her, got her email address, and then contacted her the next day.  I think it’s a bummer that she didn’t get back to you, either because she was embarrassed (which apparently there was no need for) or because she was dishonest the night before when she gave you her email address.

As for your next steps with this woman?  There are none.  She’s telling you she’s not interested, for whatever reason.  Don’t let that discourage you; move on to other (perhaps more sober?) women.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

Tiffany & Co. Paloma Picasso® Loving Heart swirl pendant – $195.00 

A subtle way to include hearts in your gift

Why?  It’s a subtle way to include hearts in your gift.  Some heart based jewelery can look a little… childish?  This is beautiful.  Delicate even.  Something she can wear that when someone else sees it they won’t think: “Oh look, hearts” at first glance.  And a Tiffany piece is something special.

Tiffany & Co. Tiffany Locks heart lock pendant – $125.00 

Something bright to get her through to spring

Why?  The Locket and Key thing is pretty popular, and it’s Tiffany so it’ll stay timeless.  The upcoming season for women is full of bright colors, and this is a nice pop of blue.  But it’s the Tiffany Blue, so it’ll never look dated.

 Dogeared ‘Key to My Heart’ Pendant Necklace – $76.00

Still a key, but not Tiffany.

Why?  Tiffany Keys are expensive, and this made in the USA “Dogeared” brand makes really pretty looking pieces at a reasonable price.  The message it comes with is also personal sounding without being over the top.  It’s a good size without being too big too.  It captures the key trend well.

Dogeared “Whispers” Chain Necklace – $62.00

Small heart, big statement

Why?  I don’t want to use the word dainty, but it’s dainty.  It’s small, but really pretty.  You’ll see how small it is if you look at the picture of it on the silhouette.  It’s perfect as a layering piece if she likes to wear multiple necklaces, or it still makes a statement on it’s own.  Also from this “dogeared” brand.

Marco Bicego ‘Jaipur’ Stone Stud Earrings – $495.00

But hey, they ship free!

Why?  So these are a splurge.  Probably not a good idea if you just started dating.  They’re simple, 18k gold, and set with colorful semi precious stones.  Made in Italy too.

LOIS HILL “Two-Tone Open Scroll” Round Open Disk Fishhook Earring – $168

Not one but two colors.

Why?  Two-Tone metal is in right now, and the scrolling is really feminine.  They’re not cheap, but at about an inch wide they’re not tiny either.  They’re also neutral enough that she can wear them casually or dressed up.

Golden Pearl Tincup Earrings - $399 & Laguna Pearl 8-9mm Lavender Pearl Necklace – $189

Easter, anyone?

Why?  The golden pearl paired with the gold makes them really light and creates an almost iridescent look.  They’re a perfect spring time pick.  For the necklace, it’s actually a lavender color which is a fresher, more feminine choice than white.  White tends to look bridal.  This is still classic but can go with plenty of workday or weekend outfits.  And, all girls (okay most girls) like a strand of pretty pearls.  You can also select the length of the strand with the longer lengths adding to the cost.  But the 17″ that runs $189 is usually the standard.

Alexis Bittar ‘Smoky Dust’ Skinny Tapered Bangle – $100

Exclusive to Nordstrom

Why?  Not all women can wear bangles because their wrists are too small, and some just don’t like bracelets in general.  So make sure she does before you make a purchase like this.  The three colors available are muted enough that they’ll go well with other bracelets and other pieces of jewelery.  The Swarovski crystals add enough sparkle that it can be a fun piece on its own.

Fresh by Honora Pearl Ring – $126.65* ($300)

Many good reviews on this ring

Why?  BEWARE!  Giving her a ring box on Valentine’s Day, when not engaged or already married can be a huge misdirection.  No need to cause false expectations and hurt feelings.  The design on this ring is art deco influenced and has done enormously well in the online reviews.  *Part of the Macy’s One Day Sale that ends today (2/8/12.)  Sizes are going fast online, but there might be a supply at your local store.

Anyting Else?  If your lady is the type who’d appreciate something from an independent jewelery designer, try Etsy.com.  Called the “world’s handmade marketplace”, Etsy is a great place to find unique items at great prices.

Have any other advice on Valentine’s Day gifts?  Jewelery or otherwise?  Leave it all in the comments below.  And in case anyone is wondering, no this wasn’t some trick to try and squeeze some gift ideas out of my better half.  If anything, this means I can’t get her ANY of these.  So I’m screwed.  Damn.  Top Photo Credit: Jill Clardy

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers.  From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday.  And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too.  Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

Beth,

I’ve been reading the articles on Dappered for several weeks now and I’ve even picked up a few ideas about things I may go out and look for.  But there’s one thing about my usual choice of clothing that defies a lot of the advice I’ve read.

I wear kilts.

Now, I’m perfectly willing to grant that kilts are a very unusual fashion choice, and it may be completely impossible, in your opinion, to look “dapper” while wearing one.  Be that as it may, I wear kilts, I like wearing kilts, and I am going to go on wearing kilts.

The advice I’m looking for here is not necessarily how to “dress up” a kilt. I can do that fairly well, I think.  In fact that’s one of the easiest things to do, because they have become fairly formal sorts of garments, at least when you’re talking about the traditional, Scottish kilt (eight years of wool tartan).  What I’m really looking more for are ideas about a casual, but nice, kilt look.  What kind of shirts do I wear?  What kind of footwear?  Socks?

I should note that most of the kilts I wear, on a daily basis, are Utilikilts.  I own six of them, wear them nearly every day for 75% of the year.  I’m pretty serious about my Utilikilts, but that doesn’t mean that I always want to dress in the “accepted” style (e.g. funky tops, combat boots, etc.).

So what kind of advice can you provide?

- Aaron

Dear Aaron,

I’ve been avoiding your email for months.  Every week, I see it peeking at me from my amassed collection, and I think, here’s a guy with the guts to wear what he likes, social sanctions be damned, and he needs my counsel, and I put him off time and time again.  I open your email, re-read your message, and then slowly back away from the computer screen.  Then I get up and eat a cookie, check Facebook, coo at my dog, watch my neighbor apply grease to his fence so the squirrels fall off it…and finally sit back down and pick a different email.  Here’s why: I have ZERO expertise in what you’re asking me about.  I don’t know anyone who ever wears kilts, so I hardly know where to start.  I didn’t even realize you could dress up or dress down kilts.  It’s a kilt for God’s sake!  The only thing I can really contribute here is that fact that I know about other types of men’s clothing, and you’re writing in for a woman’s opinion, and I am, in fact, a woman…so bear with me.

I’ll apply what I know about normal clothing to this scenario, and perhaps all the pieces will come together.  If they don’t, boo-hoo, I’ll never be employed by the kilt industry.  To dress down a kilt, I’d think you’d want to stay away from shirts that have a lot of bells and whistles–pockets, buttons, snaps, zippers, epaulets, etc.  So plain tees like this crew neck, and this v-neck would work.  A polo shirt would also fit the bill.  The kilts you link to see to have higher waists than the typical pair of men’s pants, so I’d definitely recommend tucking in the shirts so that it looks nice and neat.

During the colder months, again, pick simpler sweaters, like this cashmere-blend v-neck.  This sweater does have some of those details I advised staying away from, but somehow it looks very laid-back here.  For a little texture, try this cableknit sweater.  When wearing bulkier items like sweaters, don’t tuck in, of course–it will just add thickness to your mid-section.

Kilt worthy?  The Original Utilikilt, Custom-Fit Polo by RL, V-Neck by J. Crew, Cable Crew by Bonobos

Footwear.  Footwear with a kilt.  I’m going to reference Joe’s post, “2012 = The Year of the Loafer” for this one.  Laceless shoes, I bet, would look good with a kilt.  This would also be a sharp departure from the combat boots you referenced, which are all laces.  I especially like these two pairs.  You might also try Boat Shoes for an even more casual look (and minimal laces).  As for socks…that’s a challenge.  The photos I’ve looked through online of men wearing kilts and shoes (but not boots), show the shoes worn with a knee-high white sock.  So…there’s that…option.  May I suggest veering from tradition and trying a colored sock?  Perhaps in a dark, neutral tone like black, navy blue, or charcoal.  The other option, I suppose, is to wear no sock at all.  You’ll wind up with some seriously funky smelling shoes pretty quickly that way, though.  You could simply give the appearance of a bare foot by wearing no-show socks like the ones here or here.

Aaron, hope this helped.  You definitely gave me a run for my money.  Next week, I get back to the easy questions from the rest of you suckers.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

It is impossible to not pay attention to a Florence and the Machine album.  Easy-going Lillith Fair music this is not.  This is unreservedly rock and roll.  And on their latest album Ceremonials, they shake the walls and beat drums with wild abandon.  And Florence?  She roars.

Most Americans’ introduction to Florence Welch came at last February’s Grammy Awards ceremony.  Opening the show as part of a tribute to Aretha Franklin alongside Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, gospel singer Yolanda Adams and country superstar Martina McBride, Welch not only held her own amongst those established singers, her performance left people hungry for more.  She was impossible to miss, with her flaming red hair and cream chiffon dress, an entirely different presence amidst what one critic called a Diva jamboree.

I’ve got my theories why Florence has been embraced by American fans (both her debut release Lungs and Ceremonials have been big sellers here in the states).  Florence and the Machine make big music.  Florence is no shrinking violet.  She’s mysterious.  She’s exotic.  She’s demanding.  She’s absolutely beautiful.  She is, in a word, a siren.  That’s a pretty irresistible recipe for guys.  The thing is, the ladies love Florence for the same reasons.  In this regard, she is not without precedent: Stevie Nicks and Pat Benetar also stood apart from their peers and made rock and roll acceptable for strong women performers and the guys that love them.  I would also be called on the carpet for not acknowledging the influence of Kate Bush and Siouxie Sioux on Florence’s musical path.

Ceremonials is a more expansive album than Lungs.  It is stylistically diverse.  “Shake It Out” is a sonic exorcism, a call-to-action to move forward.  “No Light No Light” is carried along a cacophony of drums and percussion providing space for Florence’s other-worldy vocals.  There are moments where Florence’s vocals, and those of her backing choir are abashedly gospel oriented, providing a surreal sensual tension to the songs.  As a buddy admitted to me, were he in the business of seduction these days, “’Only If For A Night‘ would be the closer.  That’s a song you make big mistakes to.”  I can’t think of a bigger compliment for the allure of Ceremonials.  It’s also a perfect reminder why you should have this album on hand when in the company of the fairer sex.  You’ll get points for digging an enigmatic, empowered woman.  And for getting it, you might just, well…you know.  You win all around.

Tim Johnstone is a former Virgin Records Label Rep and current award winning Music Director, Assistant Program Director, and on-air host at FMQB’s AAA station of the year markets 50+.  He also writes a blog that’s a collection of the absolute best the internet has to offer.  It’s a must read.  And you can check it out here.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it.  Beth is our source for the answers.  From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday.  And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too.  Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

Hi Beth:
.

I know you love Sex and the City, but you can never go wrong with some good Friends action:

.
Scruff is great for the look, but I’m guessing it doesn’t feel that great to a woman.  It’s probably as comfortable as sexy sandpaper, which is still sandpaper.  Is the scruff worth the discomfort for women?  Or would you prefer a man going baby-faced?

- Josh

 

Hi Josh,

A couple weeks ago I told you how to cover up your toilet sins.  Now I’m going to tell you about what women like to feel when your face brushes over their, ahem, delicate parts.  There are officially no boundaries here.  It’s nice to know where we all stand, yes?

As you nimbly ascertained, Josh, there are two considerations for men’s facial hair (when it comes to what women think): look and feel.  Look is going to vary…a little.  Most women prefer a smooth face.  It looks polished, it looks professional, it looks like you bathe on a regular basis.  All good things.  Jon Hamm looks good clean-shaven; Jeremy Renner is baby-faced even while diffusing bombs; Matt Bomer is white hot and fuzz free.

Scruff is the close runner-up to clean-shaven. It looks rebellious, confident, a little dirty…in a good way.  Robert Pattinson looks deliciously unkempt; Ryan Gosling offsets the formality of a tux with the casual look of scruff; George! George!  George!  I swoon.

Then least loved of all, I’m sorry to say, is the full-on facial hair–beard, goatee, mustache, mutton chops.  I find that women love it or hate it.  You either look like a sexy mountain man…or that guy in the white van who’s asking you if you want some candy.  Gerard Butler rocks a full beard; Jeff Bridges would look wrong without a goatee; Robert Downey, Jr. has established very sculpted facial hair as his signature look.

Scruff and Schtupping don’t always mix.

For feel, yes, women prefer clean shaven.  No two ways about it.  For second place…it’s a toss up.  Scruff is coarser than a full beard, which becomes softer as the hair grows longer, so for comfort, I prefer a full beard to the scruff.  It hurts less.  Imagine running your face over your lady’s legs when she hasn’t shaved them in, say, five days.  That’s what we’re dealing with.  Prickly, chafing, pokey.  Ummm…that’s what she said?

If you just can’t give up the scruff, or you find that the chicks prefer you with a scruffy look, do what you can on your end to prevent severe chafing for the woman you’re schtupping.  Mainly, be gentle and use a soft touch.  No need to jerk your head around maniacally while making out…or kissing…um…other areas.  It looks hot in the movies, but that’s, you know, the movies.  All that friction is going to hurt her.  No need for excess saliva while making out–removal of top layer of skin plus moisture equals mucho pain and irritation.  No need to drag your face across her body.  Kiss, then lift your face up to get to the next area.  Kiss then lift.  Got it?

Hmm, maybe I need to get that phrase patented.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it.  Beth is our source for the answers.  From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday.  And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too.  Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

Hey Beth,

I’ve got 2 separate questions for you.

1) Any thoughts on alternative neckwear?  I wear a suit, shirt, and tie to work 6 days/week, so I like mixing it up a bit.  To work I’ll sport the occasional bowtie, and to go out I have a nice red silk ascot.  Bit dandy-ish, I’ll admit, but IMO it’s a fun way to mix up the same ol’ same ol’ we’re used to.

2) If you live in the NYC metropolitan area or ever come around on vacation, will you marry me?  No?  Then maybe we can start small, and I can take you out one night?  You seem like a fun date.  Very truly yours,

Richard

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

Beth,

I’m a clean guy, but when it comes to aroma I’m completely clueless.  I know impressing a hot new date when she walks into your apartment is always about cleanliness, I have that covered, but I’m lost when it comes to keeping the place smelling like anything more than beer, old apartment, and whatever else falls in the wide spectrum of “man smells”.  This is twofold with bathrooms.  I’d like to find a good routine for everything smelling nice to a woman’s nose consistently, not just lighting a Yankee Candle before she arrives and hoping it covers up everything else.  I’d love a woman’s perspective on this.

- Eric

Hi Eric,

Here’s a secret about me that I hope you won’t share with any of the other Dappered readers, since it doesn’t exactly mesh with the persona I’ve created of a sophisticated, elegant, untouchable, woman of mystery**:  I’m crazy about cleaning.  CRAZY.  A good time for me is a toss up between a bottle of wine or a bottle of disinfectant spray.  So you’ve come to the right person–well done, son.

Sexy. SUH.. EXXY.

The first thing I’ll say is that if you want a clean-smelling abode, your apartment needs to actually be, you know, clean.  This doesn’t mean just uncluttered and tidy, it means the glass surfaces should be spotless, the wood surfaces dusted, the kitchen and bathroom disinfected, the floors swept/vacuumed/mopped, the trash regularly taken out, the sheets laundered, etc.  If you have a dog, make sure s/he gets regular baths; if you have a cat, make sure the litter box is changed often.

You need to clean every week.  Yes, every week.  Make it just another part of your routine, like going to the gym.  Mondays you scrub the bathroom; Tuesdays you vacuum the carpets, and so on.  If you have trouble getting into the habit, start off this way–when you’re watching TV, make it a rule that during the commercials you don’t channel surf, you clean.  In an hour long program, you’ll get almost 20 minutes of breaks–that’s enough to wipe down the kitchen counters, then sweep and mop the floor.  Boom, kitchen finished while you’re getting your Sons of Anarchy fix.  You don’t want to let four months worth of grease build up above the stove and then just spray air freshener before your date comes over and hope that does the trick.  It won’t.  Your apartment will smell like rancid fat and a mountain stream.

Second…step away from the Yankee Candle.  I think cheap candles smell like…cheap candles.  They tend to come in really oppressive, heavy, artificial scents, like cloying vanilla bean, or gingerbread hell.  See if you can find candles that have a clean, fresh scent.  Everyone has their own scent preferences, but I like citrus.  Candles that smell like lemon or orange or grapefruit typically aren’t overpowering, plus they reinforce the impression that the place has recently been cleaned.

Scent Hierarchy:  Reed diffuser, nice candle, cheap candle, air freshener, strategically placed dryer sheets

Also, consider reed diffusers instead of candles.  A reed diffuser is a small glass bottle into which you pour a scented oil, and then place thin wood reeds that absorb the oil from the bottle and diffuse it slowly into the air.  They last much longer than candles and you can have them out all the time, dispensing scent.  Plus, they seem less invasive to me.  If they don’t come in a plain bottle, you can transfer them to one, and they sort of blend into a room, like a vase or something, whereas with a candle, it typically has the brand printed all over the outside, and some sort of obnoxious design or color.  From a dating perspective, too, lit candles sort of scream, “LET’S JUMP IN THE SACK!”  Even if that’s what you wish you could scream, women typically prefer subtlety.

Other ideas for a nice smelling apartment include opening the windows during the warm months and making sure that air is circulating through on a regular basis.  While you’re in your home for a period of time, your nose acclimates to the odors present, and you’re not a very good judge of how it smells.  So, when you walk into your apartment each day, back from work or dinner with friends, be mindful of the immediate smell.  In those first few minutes you’ll be more likely to notice that the garbage really needs to be taken out, or maybe you have some old food rotting away in the fridge that needs to be disposed of.  Finally…okay, I’m just going to give you the link for a product I noticed recently while in a scents/bath products boutique.  In the event of a toilet emergency while a date is already in your apartment, I hope this will save you some measure of embarrassment.  I also hope you will NOT think of me when you use it.

-Beth

**Stop laughing.

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

1. GAP: Italian Moleskin Blazer – $55.99 w/ GAPCHEER ($118)

Sizes are selling quick...

Best blazer deal of the season.  If you’re still looking for a winter/holiday party ready sportcoat for cheap, this is it.  The fit is an honest trim, the Italian sourced fabric is something else, and it comes in chest specific sizes.  Size shown there is a 40R and usually I’m a 38 or 39.  Moleskin is a little like velvet, but with much shorter fibers and no sheen.  Cotton but still warm. Already on sale and with the extra 30% off code GAPCHEER it’s a complete steal.  Ships free.  Code expires today (12/20/11) and sizes are going fast.  Might be on sale in store if you can fight the crowds.

2. Neiman Marcus Dress Shirts: White – $38.50 ($88) | Pink Windowpane – $34.30 ($90)

The extra 30% off comes at checkout.

Everything on Lastcall.com is an extra 30% off through December 23rd.  The White is a full spread collar so that’s unique.  French cuffs too.  Might not be trim fit though, so tailoring might be necessary.  No iron finish on that one.  The Pink Windowpane isn’t a no-iron (which plenty prefer) but it is a trim fit with a perfect pattern.  Just enough pink without going overboard.

2. U.O. Hawkings McGill Suede Wingtip Boot – $54.99 ($78.00)

Ships and returns free too.

It appears the boots that get shipped by Urban Outfitters resemble these more than the rich chocolate suede version seen on their website.  There’s burnishing that when seen up close is a little too much, but once you put em’ on and stand up it’s just fine.  Full review here.  Part of the U.O. boot sale.  Ships and returns free since they’re over $50.

3. Buffalo Check Lambswool Scarf – $44.99 ($59.50)

Affordable luxury

Part of the ongoing Ralph Lauren Holiday sale.  A bold pattern, three color options, and an 80% wool 20% nylon blend.  Stack that on top of the made in Italy status and you’ve got a nice gift for you or someone else.  72″ long, and if ordered by 11:59pm ET today (Tuesday 12/20) standard ground shipping should get it to you in time for Christmas.

4. American Eagle Wool Blend Peacoat – $60.00 w/ code 39427841 ($129.50)

Size shown here is a large. I could use a medium.

With that 40% off code (which could expire any time now) this drops to a stupid $60.  It’s not hefty by any means, but not flimsy either.  The best coat you’ll find for $60, but when compared to the J. Crew Bayswater, the J. Crew wins and wins easily.  54% recycled wool.  Credit to Matt for sending in the style tip, and credit to Jessey D. who posted some pics of his coat in the comments over here.  One drawback:  The collar might be a little too big for some.

5. The Black Keys “El Camino” – $11.99

This would be a follow up from last month’s Most Wanted.  It’s out.  And these two dudes from Akron continue to carry the flag for most of the Rock genre.  When you’re good, everyone knows it.  When you’re great, even a guy like David Letterman can’t help but crack a sh*t eating grin at the end of your song.

6. 1901 Dot Pattern Wool Silk 3″ Tie – $24.90 ($39.50)

Available in black or navy.

Dots just don’t get enough love in the tie world.  They’re easily one of the best patterns out there as long as they don’t get too huge.  This one has well proportioned dots on a wool/silk tie that’s 3″ at it’s widest point.  That’s awfully close to neckwear perfection.  $25 and ships free.  Find the navy here (even though the pic is still the black one)

8. “Karma” necklace by Dogeared – $62.00

Pretty, affordable, and made in the USA.

Don’t forget about her.  At this point, you might be scrambling for ideas that’ll make her smile on Sunday morning.  Jewelery is a tough call, but this is about as safe and as good of a play as it gets.  Subtle, small, and something she can wear whenever.  Three rings are dipped in either 14k gold, rose gold, or silver, and represent the circular nature of karma.  Made in the USA too.

9. Zippo Antique Brass Lighter – $16.80 | Zippo Brushed Metal Money clip – $14.50

Only you can prevent empty money clips.

Kids, don’t smoke.  But sometimes you need to make fire.  Whether it’s for the BBQ, or your pal is showing you how to drink Sambuca (have that fire extinguisher ready) it’s nice to have a flame at the ready.  Zippo’s finished brass lighter looks a heck of a lot better than a book of matches from whatever dive bar you frequent.  And the money clip?  A lot of class for barely any cost.  Both ship free from Maxton Men.

10. Eggnog Ice Cream with a sidecar of Goslings Black Seal Rum

Could be the best thing in the history of things.

For other best bets under $75 from previous months, click here.

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. And don’t worry, your identity will be protected too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com

Hello Beth,

Like others on dappered, I enjoy a night out, hanging with some friends and getting some drinks.  Well, there’s been a pestering trend in women’s style that I can’t seem to get, and it’s women dressing trampy.  I’ve probably become more aware of this due to the changing seasons, it’s 30 degrees out, and women are wearing things I’d expect to see in 90 degree weather.  You wouldn’t expect to see men dressed in shorts and flip-flops in this weather (although I’m sure a few of us have), so where did the common sense of these people to dress appropriately go?

This makes me look back at the article on Women’s Style Wins. These are all great things I would like to keep seeing, but the trends have missed this, it’s going in the complete opposite direction.  Of course I could just distance my association with these people and places or even ignore it, but from a women’s perspective, I’d like to know why some women dress this way?

- Alex

Hi Alex,

This is a chicken or the egg type of question.  Do women wear what is made available by clothing designers or do clothing designers make available what women are wearing?  I have no earthly idea.  How’s that for decisiveness?

Okay, actually I do have sort of a theory.  Here it goes.  Jean Paul Gaultier is having a bad day.  Madonna is no longer interested in wearing his cone bras, and he can’t get any of those damn kids from the Twilight movies to sport one.  The issue distracts him from his preparations for fashion week; amidst his torpedo-shaped support-wear stress he runs out of time to create a pair of pants for a particular look that is slated to come down the runway.  Thus, one of his models goes out on the catwalk wearing a lace corset, no pants, and a cape.

Lady Gaga is in the crowd (she’s in town getting fitted for a dress made of jello and seaweed, naturally).  She sees the model with the lace corset and missing pants and thinks it’s a stroke of genius.  So she recreates her own version of the outfit, swapping out the lace corset for–what else?–a pleather leotard, but keeping the cape and the nonexistent pants, and wears it to tea at the Plaza Hotel.  She’s making a statement about her artistry, or her celebrity, or she’s simply trying to grab headlines and magazine covers, and who can blame her, right?  It takes more and more to shock and titillate, and with fame so fleeting, she has to do what she can to stay on top.

All roads lead to Hendricks.

Gaga is photographed by every tabloid rag.  Eventually the look filters down, to mainstream designers, to personal shoppers, to stylists, to people putting together lookbooks and catalogs…and more accessible versions begin appearing on the street, and yes, Alex, in YOUR neighborhood tavern.  Then you turn to your friend and say, my God, isn’t that woman freezing?  And I arrive late to a birthday celebration at a bar, and an acquaintance is already sitting down at the table, and I admire the beautiful teal hue of her sweater…until she stands up and I realize the sweater is the only thing she is wearing, and I’m literally face to crotch with her horrifying lack of pants, though no worries because she’s wearing particularly sturdy nylons.

Wait…where was I going with this?  Okay, granted I got a little off track here, but what I’m saying is that women are heavily influenced by what they see in popular culture (same goes for men, I’m not claiming sole female ownership over this one).  There is an enormous amount of pressure to be beautiful, to be desirable, to be a perfect specimen.  Not new ideas here, I know, but I have to go over them to get where we’re going.  For some women, they see Katy Perry wearing a bustier that barely covers her nipples, and the message that they receive is: this is beauty.  This is taste.  This is the aesthetic I need to cultivate in order to be considered worthy by others.  Plus, come on, a Katy Perry-inspired outfit is going to garner more attention than a Catherine Middleton-inspired outfit will.  The swiveling head of every man you walk by is some serious positive reinforcement.

This is not all women, though.  The women whose thongs you’re seeing may be the women for whom style is merely a way to showcase their bodies.  This is not intrinsically right or wrong, it’s just different from women who use style as a creative outlet, or because they simply love beautiful things.

I just re-read my response.  Where in the hell did I take you people?  Drinks are on me if you can follow the bouncing ball.

-Beth

Got a question for Beth? Send them to: askawoman@dappered.com

Expires 12/13 at 11:59pm ET.  Good on all three brands.  Free shipping on $50.

If the holiday shopping season is a baseball game, we’re at about the 7th inning stretch.  Sure there’s still time left, but we’re all knee deep in this thing.  And unlike baseball, there are no extra innings.

It’s not a mind blowing discount, but 30% is pretty good and it’s across all three GAP inc brands.  You can cross pollinate between all three, and if any combination from their three .com’s hits the $50 threshold, it’ll ship free to you and should arrive in time for Christmas.  Picks are below based on people you may or may not be buying for this year:
.

Your Globe Trotting Friend:  B.R. Plaid Passport Case - $20.65 ($29.50)

Stamps, sadly, not included.

So you’ve got a good friend who’s pretty excited about his upcoming trip to Italy to work on restoring Frescoes.  Or maybe you and your significant other have plans to one day spend a month on the Spanish Riviera.  Either way, this is a real inexpensive way to make them feel closer to that trip.

Your tech obsessed nephew:  Striped Fingerless Gloves – $13.97 ($19.95)

iGloves

Now, they are making gloves with special finger tips that’ll let you use your touch screen devices while gloved.  But this is your nephew.  He’ll probably appreciate the “I’m tough enough to freeze my finger tips off” look.  That, and they’re cheap.

The Significant Other who can fill out a sweater:  Cable Knit – $34.99, Cardigan – $48.65

Applause.

Buying clothes for women can be awfully tough.  So save that receipt.  But the effort will probably be appreciated, and if it actually fits her, well then she’s got another sweater to wear.  And hooray for women in sweaters.  The cardigan is a nice quality.  The cable is, well there’s hardly anything better than a good looking woman in a cable knit.

The Non-Significant-Other lady-friend: Long Cable Knit Mittens – $13.99 ($29.95)

But can she fill out some mittens?

Maybe you’ve only been on a couple dates and it might be going somewhere but you don’t want to freak her out with a big gift.  Maybe you two are honestly just friends (and yes, some say that’s not possible.)  The cost is low, the “aw ain’t that sweet” factor is high.

Your best pal who also appreciates style:  B.R. Colorblock Scarf – $31.50 ($45)

For the pal who prefers a topcoat over a ski jacket.

Its been said before.  Less cliche than a tie, and plenty useful this time of year.  Go for something with a bold color.  That’ll offset the dark coat, shoes, and suits we’re all wearing.  No fringe on this one.

The Stuck in a Microfiber Rut Dad: O.N. Letterman – $27.30 & Wool Blend Bomber – $30.80

FOUR touchdowns son. Four.

Time to get pops out of that polyester jacket that screams “I’ve given up.”  Both of these are a wool blend and have a classically cool look to them.  The plaid is just different enough, and the Letterman might give your Dad a reminder of the swagger he had back in his athletic prime, all without going over the top by keeping it dark and subtle.

The motorcycle riding good guy who’s had a long year:  Gap Leather Jacket – $167.99

Gap leather? Maybe worth the risk. Was $400.

Maybe he’s been serving overseas (thanks by the way.)  Maybe his now ex-wife treated him like hell, they’re divorcing, and all he wants to keep is his bike.  Maybe he’s just a really good guy who’s had a real bad run of luck and you think he deserves something unexpected.  Either way, it’s a big splurge as far as a gift goes, and who knows on the quality (haven’t seen it in person and there aren’t any reviews) but it’s under $200 and looks pretty slick.

The Sports Car Driving Father-In-Law: B.R. Driving Loafer & Penny Loafer – $48.30 ($98)

Sizes are limited.

He loves to motor, you love his offspring.  A pair of decent looking drivers tips a hat to his ride in the garage and gives him another car-specific thing (along with his gloves, jacket, sunglasses, etc…) that he’ll look forward to wearing.  That, and they’re under $50 but ship free thanks to the over $50 pre-code price.

The guy who’s short on cash but wants tweed pants:  O.N. Tweed Pants – $17.50

Real budget friendly. Darker in person.

And that guy could very well be you.  They’re about a 60/40 blend (tag says they’re a conglomeration of things, including that wonderful textile “other”) and they don’t feel awful in your hands.  They don’t look awful on, and actually look better in person than on the screen.  They could use some tailoring, and be prepared to size down (that’s a 31×30 shown above on my 5’9″-10″ 165lb frame.)  They stay a little too wide up top and get a little too close to the calf, but for under $20 you get the look and some of the feel of tweedish trousers.

Yourself:  Old Navy Striped Crew-neck Cotton Sweater – in store only? ($29.94)

Weekend upgrade.

These look like they used to be online, but their replacement has more stripes.  Worth checking in store because the fit on the original seen here is surprisingly trim.  And for being dirt cheap, the fabric doesn’t feel half bad.  It has a mid to light weight feel.  Sort of like a bulked up, well fitting long sleeve t-shirt.  Still works layered over a button up.

Your sister’s perpetually high boyfriend:  Old Navy Winter Hat – $10.00 ($14.94)

"DUDE. Righteous hat dude. Dude..."

The good news:  It’s just cheap enough to get you over the free shipping hump on plenty of items, all while knocking off someone on your list.  The bad news:  He might like it so much that in return, he won’t stop inviting you over to listen to Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz at the same time.

The B.R. / GAP / O.N. code HOLIDAY Expires 12/13 at 11:59pm ET.  Again, free shipping happens at $50.