Can Cologne Change Your Life? The Experiment: Part 5, Applying the Samples

Skeptic Paul learns how to apply cologne from Halle Berry?

If you missed it, Paul’s been experimenting to see how his life will change when he gives it a new scent.  It hasn’t had much effect on the ladies, and he’s not exactly head-over-heals for his scent himself, but it has scored him an airline upgrade

After a little procrastination and contemplation, I placed an order for six new scents from The Perfumed Court. The lack of excessive, Amazon-like email communication and confirmation had me a bit worried, but my package arrived in about a week. Here’s what was inside:

Inside the bubble envelope: a bag of goodies and a packing slip.

Inside the bubble envelope: a bag of goodies and a packing slip.

Inside the baggie: a Latte Candy and two more bubble bags.

Inside the baggie: a Latte Candy and two more bubble bags.

Warning. Warning.

Warning. Warning.

One more bag to remove.

One more bag to remove.

Pretty maids, all in a row. Note the price: $26. Not bad.

Pretty maids, all in a row. Note the price: $26. Not bad.

What did I get? Taking both the suggestions in the comments and the all-knowing list into account, I settled on six:

One thing the unboxing pictures failed to capture was the blast of B.O. that hit me upon opening the envelope. How it got in there, I have no idea. Maybe it was entirely mental — something from a subconscious association of overly-cologned individuals and their underlying funk. Maybe the pretty green bag is made from woven armpit hair. Unknown.

Application

When discussing cologne, outside of the scent itself, the big topic is how you apply it, how you put cologne on. There are countless techniques, but here are the most notable five (including one from Bond girl Halle Berry):

1) The Dab. A dribble or a spray on the wrists and a rub behind the ears / on the neck, this is probably the most classic method of cologne application. The theory is that the hot spots on your body (wrist and neck pulse-points) heat the scent and project it farther. Not sure if that’s really true — we’re talking about a few degrees difference at most here — but the method has been around forever and has a lot of believers.

2) The Walk-Through Cloud. This is a slightly more modern approach — spray a single blast in front of you, then walk through the cloud. This method has the advantage of spreading the scent pretty evenly around your entire upper body, so you don’t have to be as worried about washing / sweating it off. Also, this is perhaps the most subtle method, something I prefer, and it makes your hair smell nice.

Subtle? No. Effective? Debatable.

Subtle? No. Effective? Debatable.

3) The Fog Bomb. On the opposite end of the subtle spectrum, there’s The Fog Bomb. You’ve seen the Axe commercials — depress sprayer and fog your body like it’s infested with cockroaches that can only be killed with musk, sandlewood, and undertones of citrus. Not recommended. Primary use seems to be wasting product and encouraging more frequent purchases.

4) The Varsity. If you want to be know as a cologne guy, first team all-conference, do this: decant scent into atomizer, apply on hands, rub behind ears and on neck and wrists, follow-up with a spray to the chest. This is a lot of cologne and too much for me. I’d rather have somebody subconsciously think I smell nice than smell so overpoweringly strong that they can’t help but comment and/or cough. But if you want to smell yourself all day, a blast to the chest is the way to go.

5) The Halle Berry. Saw this on Conan the other day — Halle Berry’s guide to applying cologne. She recommends a spray between the legs, then letting the scent waft up through your clothing. Not sure about this method — anybody else tried it? I’m sitting here typing with vetiver-scented thighs and I’m not sure it’s working as described — I don’t really smell anything — but it’s tough not to trust a Bond girl. You probably want to avoid your junk if you go this route.


Got another method? Tried the Halle Berry? Leave a note in the comments.