Style Scenario: The Mayan Apocalypse

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What are you going to wear?  Sometimes there’s an easy answer.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes it’s good to look at a few suggestions then add your own tweaks and ideas.  That’s what these are for.  All designed to get you in some stuff that’ll make you look and feel great, then get you out the door and off to do things other than thinking about your clothes.  Look for these with no regularity.  Want to suggest a scenario?  Send those in here.

The Coat: Vintage Leather Police Trench – $149.50 | Kakadu Oilskin Jacket – $119.50

Brimstone resistant?

You can’t spell “apocalypse” without “abrasion” (fine, of course you can)… but you’ll need something ready to take more scrapes than a standard wool overcoat.  The Vintage Police trench was first mentioned over here, and there are still some S/M’s left.  Kakadu is an Australian company and their jackets run pretty inexpensive for being in that Belstaff/Barbour visual range.  Also worth a look:

 

The Blazer:  L.L. Bean Signature Tweed Blazer – $220.50 w/ JOY10

Three button with good movement.

It’s going to be all about layering when the excrement hits the the ventilation system.  Plus, this way you can look somewhat presentable when you’re dragged in front of whatever local survivor-tribe judgement panel that you stumble across.  Other options:

 

The Pants:  LEC 5-Pocket Moleskin – $34.99 w/code DASHER & pin 9010

Thicker, but still soft.

Now on sale and with the quite-often codes and pins, should drop even further.  Also available in a reddish burgundy, which is a great pick if you’re leading a crew of humans and don’t want their morale to drop if you get hit and are bleedingin the lower extremities.  Also worth a look:

 

The Sweater: UNIQLO Cashmere Turtleneck – $59.90 ($99.90)

Always wanted to try a turtleneck? Time’s a wastin’.

Winter is a rough time for the world to come to an end.  It’s snowing, and then there’s explosions, fire, and lava.  Then it’s sleeting with a biting windchill.  Then all of a sudden you’re dodging meteorites (meteors?  Are they technically still meteors while still airborne and you have to dodge them?  Are they only meteorites once they hit the ground?).  Better stick to a cashmere turtleneck.  It’s cheap, so expect pilling… but, #1. There’s always this, and #2. a piling sweater will be pretty far down your list of concerns when the world is ending.

 

The Watch: Maratac 2013 Pilot – $195 w/ Silicone Deployment Band – $18

New look for the newly destroyed world.

No batteries in the post-apocalyptic world.  Damn.  So quartz is certainly out (unless you go solar).  CountyComm just got in the new version of the ever-so-popular Maratac pilot watch.  Citizen made automatic movement, sapphire crystal, and a 100m water resistance (not like you’ll be scuba diving once the earth goes haywire). Doesn’t hack. Doesn’t have a rotating bezel.  But it sure does look incredible.

 

The Boots: Merrell – $200 $150 w/ BOOTS25 | Cole Haan – $139.96 w/ HOLIDAY30

Good looking, and somewhat survival ready.

Totally depends on where you’ll be taking shelter.  If you’re heading for the hills, you’ll want waterproof and traction once you get there.  The Merrell’s are waterproof, have true-hiker grip, and are simple enough to blend in with the look (because, y’know, that’s still important at this point).  The code BOOTS25 should take 25% off through 12/12 at Piperlime.  Free shipping and returns there too.  If you’re staying in an urbanized area a-la I Am Legend, you can go lighter.  The Cole Haan Air Harrison is a totally simple, welted, cap-toe boot with Nike Air for cushioning.  Was pushing $300, now a nice $140 with the extra 30% off code HOLIDAY30 that expires today (12/10).  Both pairs are available in black or dark brown.  UPDATE:  Looks like the BOOTS25 code is a ladies only thing so the Merrells are still $200.  Dang.  At that price, you’re awfully close to Danner territory.

 

The Sunglasses:  AO Original Pilot w/ cable temples – $50 – $52.99

They’ll stay on your face.

Made in the USA, durable, and the #1 choice for plenty (like man an astronauts, fighter pilot, etc…).  The end of the world won’t be a smooth ride, so keep your shades on your face with those wrap around cable style ear pieces.   Tons of color & size combinations over at Optics Planet.

 

The Backpack: Wheelmen & Co.  Babylon – $208.00

A perfect blend of retro and new design.

A complete splurge, but unlike a lot of good looking rucksack-styled backpacks, this one is equal parts form and function.  Well engineered heavily-padded straps and a padded back make it as comfortable as any small pack without a hip belt.  Chest strap adds stabilization when on the run.  Full review here.  Also available in black or a couple shades of brown.

 

The Gloves: Portolano Sheepskin – $49.99 | Orvis Bufflo – $83.00 w/ 117218

Just bizarre enough.

Like the boots, these depend on what type of terrain you’ll choose to hole up in.  Each has just enough of a post-apocalyptic crazy look to em’.  Portolano gloves are via Jackthreads.  The $15 off $50 Orvis code 117218 should be good through 12/31.

 

The Hat:  Shorter-Style Top Hat – $45$110

21st century Bill the Butcher.

Friends.  Survivors.  Re-populators.  When it all goes wrong, the Kenny Chesney look-a-likes sportin’ pre-distressed ball caps shall not lead Mother Earth back from the depths of destruction.  That honor and responsibility will fall to those who choose to emit a slight vibe of bat-sh#t crazy.  Thus, the top hat.*  (Pic is of the $110 option over here.)

 

The Self-Defense Accessory:  36-inch hexagonal steel ripping bar – $9.40

No field stripping required.

Doesn’t require bullets, it’s low maintenance, and unlike a sword, it can be used to force open a door.  At 36″ long, it makes a nifty walking stick for most, and has about the same reach as a baseball bat.  Comes in a lovely shade of charcoal.

 

The Rig: 2nd Generation Chevy K5 Blazer$3000 – $13,000

Pic via one of the many eBay sales.

Was gonna go with a Jeep Wagoneer, but “the last great hope of civilization rode into town in a wood paneled steed” just didn’t sound right.  For the K5:  Finding gas will of course be an issue, and at 10 – 16 mpg, you’ll burn through whatever supply you’re able to siphon out of any abandoned service station tanks (maybe make friends with the smokers?)  But you can’t kill these things.  Been trying.  For years.

*If by chance the world doesn’t end on December 21st, most of these picks can be worn/used without ridicule in public.  That’s probably not the case for the top hat.  Or the pry bar.  Sorry.  Top Photo Credit: Avery Studio