Bill Belichick’s hat

Bill Belichick’s hat

Bill Belichick’s Playoff Hat

(The following is an open letter written after the Patriots lost 33-14 to Baltimore in the 2010 Playoffs)

Dear Bill:

It’s over.  Your stranglehold on the AFC and the NFL is done.  Sure it’s been fading for a good while, but the mud-hole that the Raven’s stomped in your behind on Sunday only secured your fate.  And I’m sorry to say, your hat was not just a sign of your impending demise, but a partial cause.

ChristmasStoryHatOnly a grown man who has such an overblown ego that he thinks he sh*ts ice cream would wear a hat like that.  And what makes it even worse?  It wasn’t even that cold outside.  Twenty Degrees?  Twenty Degrees and you feel it necessary to wear a hat that only Ralphie’s little brother from A Christmas Story  would wear?  Football is a violent contact sport.  How are the athletes whom you coach supposed to follow your leadership when you look like you aren’t fit to sit at the front of the toboggan?

You suck.  Your opinion of yourself is out of control.  You deserve all the failure that’s coming your way until you get your act together.  You could have worn this hat, or this one… or hell, one of those tall numbers that the Grenadier Guards in England wear.  At least that would have been funny.

belicheck2

The Pom Pom makes you look like a pathetic 1st grader who couldn’t wait to get the game over with so he could run inside and have his Swiss Miss.  We haven’t seen such inappropriate attire for the situation since Matt Lauer turned Afghanistan into a Burberry runway.

Your Quarterback can sometimes dress a little too snooty.  Yet you dress like a homeless man with mental issues.  We’d tell you it’d be best to find a middle ground, but… that would mean we’d like to see you win.  And we don’t.

Have a nice off season!

Signed,

Dappered

P.S. Winter hats with Pom Poms aren’t the only clothes women hate.
Here’s our list of the other things you might be wearing
that are killing your chances with members of the fairer sex.